


Trailing Mud

by flowers27



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Lily Evans Potter, Pre-First War with Voldemort, Requited Love, Slow Burn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowers27/pseuds/flowers27
Summary: Muggleborn. Witch. Woman. Lily Evans had always been powerful because of who she was, not in spite of it. The world just didn't know it yet.Fic about the development of Lily and James' relationship over the course of their final year at Hogwarts. Features Wolfstar, and is canon compliant. From Lily's POV.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Original Character(s), Mary Macdonald & Marlene McKinnon & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	1. The Summer Before Seventh Year

Lily Evans had never been particularly fond of surprises. It wasn’t that she was some kind of type A twit who had a breakdown if things didn’t stick to her plan - at least she didn’t think so - it was more that Lily Evans liked to know things. There was something unsatisfying about uncertainty. About not being prepared. 

Which was why the sight of a tawny owl soaring towards her house as she sat at the kitchen table facing the window made her feel slightly ill. Lily put down Tuney's slightly battered copy of _A Doll's House_ that she had read for her O Levels. It was, she believed, the Hogwarts owl, bearing her Hogwarts letter, carrying her hopes and dreams. 

Well, perhaps that was a little melodramatic. But you could hardly blame a girl for melodrama when the culmination of six years’ hard work was sealed in an envelope, written on a letter, and delivered by an owl.

_Tap tap._

The owl was now waiting expectantly at the window. It ruffled its feathers slightly as it peered in, inspecting the neat little kitchen with its sink under the window and gleaming white fridge and identikit units to every other house in the estate. Lily caught a glimpse of the Hogwarts crest proudly embossed on the wax seal. Definitely her Hogwarts letter. 

Swallowing down her nerves, she hesitantly opened the window and took it. The owl cawed and flew away but Lily barely noticed. Her hands, some distant part of her noticed, were trembling. That’s what surprises do to a person.

She slid her finger underneath the seal and the envelope popped open. She pulled the thick sheaf of parchment out and carefully unfolded it. For a second her green eyes couldn’t focus on the black words on the page. Then everything cleared. Metaphorically at least. In reality, her eyes began to swim with tears.

“Mum!” She called, trying to clear her throat. “Mum! I’ve got Head Girl!”

-

“Honestly, Lily, you’re such an over thinker, just let it go! You’ll find out who got Head Boy when we get back to school - which is in about a week!”

“Ugh, I know Marlene, don’t remind me,” interjected Suniska Kumar, who was dragging her feet around Flourish and Blotts behind the other two girls. “I’m depressed enough as it is, having to mope around this bloody book shop when it’s a gorgeous summer’s day outside!”

Marlene Fawley and Lily Evans shared a look and rolled their eyes. The three girls were on their annual Hogwarts preparation shopping trip - by this time it was practically an institution. 

“Oh come on Suniska,” Lily groaned. “This is our last stop. Then we can go to Fortescue’s or the Leaky Cauldron or somewhere, I don’t know. And quit acting like this isn’t for your benefit too,” the redhead added as Suniska sank to the floor with a sigh. “Last time I checked, you need textbooks for seventh year as well!”

“Anyway, there are really bigger issues than you not being able to go and sunbathe, Suniska,” Marlene said, smirking, twirling her blonde hair mischievously. 

Suniska looked up glumly from the floor. “Like what?”

“Well, like the fact that the reason Lily’s so worried about Head Boy is because she’s worried it’s James Potter.”

“What?! No I’m not!”

“Lily, you’ve spent the last week since you got your letter theorising about who Head Boy could be and at least… oh 75% of that has been you blabbing on about Potter this, Potter that.”

“Has not!”

“Has too!” 

Lily paused for a beat. “Well, that’s just because I know he’s somehow got the whole school fooled. Even Dumbledore! Merlin knows how he does it, but he just bats his eyelashes and smiles and gets away with anything! It would be just my luck that the year that I get Head Girl, that insufferable git gets Head Boy.”

“Obviously, Lily? You do know you’re in the same year don’t you? It’s not like the boy could be Head any other year.” Suniska said, still on the floor, clearly not too impressed with Marlene restarting Lily’s tirade against James Potter.

“Oh, well, you know what I mean!” Was all Lily could muster in response. “If it’s him, I need to ensure that I am fully prepared, mentally and emotionally. I’m not going to have Potter ruin not only my last year at Hogwarts, but also my year as Head Girl.” She gave each of her friends hard eye contact. “All right?”

“All right,” said Marlene dubiously. “I still think you need to let it go a little though, Lily. If it was Potter, would that really be so bad? My family was at a party with his in July. He was the only person I knew there and he was actually really nice!”

Lily didn’t look impressed. Instead she grabbed Suniska’s hand and dragged her up from the floor. “Those pureblood families, huh?”

“I know,” said Suniska, shaking her head and making sure her sleek black hair was still in perfect condition. “They always find a way to stick together in the end.”

“Oh, piss off,” Marlene said laughing. “I just mean… look Lily I know you don’t like him-“

“Understatement of the century,” muttered Suniska.

“But-“ Marlene pressed on, “you can’t deny that he has at least some good qualities! I mean he’s Quidditch Captain -“

“Really fit.”

“I was actually going to say... well I guess ‘really fit’ works just as well.” Marlene grinned. “Lily, I know he annoys you but teenage boys are always stupid and immature. Maybe he’s grown up.”

Lily didn’t look convinced. “Maybe. But I doubt it. And not all teenage boys are stupid and immature.”

“Really? Name one.”

“Em…” Lily hesitated. “Remus Lupin..?” 

Marlene laughed. “He only looks responsible and mature because his friends are such idiots.”

“See!” Lily protested. “My point exactly! And yet I still can’t shake this feeling that Potter is going to be Head Boy. You know that 99.7% of the time my intuition is almost always right.”

“Lily, I feel like we’ve been over this with you a thousand times since you got your bloody letter. You will definitely know who is Head Boy in a week - max! Why waste your energy worrying about it now?”

“I suppose so,” Lily mumbled, picking up a hefty looking book entitled _Hexes and Jinxes for Everyday IV Edition._ “Still, there wouldn’t be any harm in getting this, would there? Just in case.”

“You’re mental. Head Girls can’t go around hexing people”

“Yes, they can. It’s in the handbook.”

“‘It’s in the handbook’, Lily you are absolutely full of it-”

“Oh, please for the love of Godric!” Suniska interrupted, throwing her hands up. “Please can we just get this infernal book shopping over with!”

About forty minutes later, the trio could be found slumped over ice creams at a table outside Fortescue’s. Shopping at Diagon Alley on a hot August afternoon was an extreme sport. 

Marlene smiled, even as she tied her thick hair into a ponytail for what seemed like the millionth time. “It’s funny to think this is the last time we’ll be doing this, isn’t it?”

“What is ‘this’?” Asked Suniska distractedly, barely looking up from her ice cream which she appeared to be close to inhaling. 

“Oh, you know, us three all being together, here, and complaining about school starting and what classes we’ll have together and what DADA teacher the school have managed to scrounge up - we won’t be doing it ever again.”

There was silence. But not an awkward silence. Just that nice, comfortable silence you get between friends. 

“I’m going to miss you two so much,” Lily said. “I can’t imagine how I coped before I met you.”

“You didn’t,” Suniska said. “You were friends with,” she lowered her voice, “Severus Snape.”

The three girls laughed. 

“Oh Merlin, I can’t believe how much of an idiot I was,” Lily said slightly more seriously. “I turned a total blind eye to all of his.. his,”

“Death eater tendencies?” Suniska suggested dryly.

Lily let out a puff of breath which could be considered a laugh. “Yes. Thank you. I just wilfully ignored any bad part to him at all.”

Marlene leaned back in her chair. “We’ve all done it Lils, don’t worry. If we were all to recount every slime bag we’ve given the time of day to I think we’d be here until midnight.”

Suniska smiled. “Oh, can we just stay here until midnight anyway? Or maybe forever? The ice cream will sustain us.”

Lily giggled and leaned her head on Suniska’s shoulder. “I would definitely be up for that. No more worrying about anything! Only when our next ice cream is coming.”

“Yes, exactly! A perfect utopia.”

“You’re both crazy,” Marlene said laughing. “This hardly sounds like the woman who’s been planning her world domination as Head Girl since about first year, Ms Evans.”

“Oh, that?” Lily waved her hand. “The ravings of a mad woman. This Ms Evans has discovered the joys of soaking up the sun with the two best friends in the whole world while having mint choc chip ice cream. What could possibly be better?”

“Oh, come off it Lily!” Marlene said, continuing to throw cold water on Lily’s sun induced fantasy. “You couldn’t last ten minutes sitting in the sun doing nothing.”

Lily peeked one eye open and grinned at Marlene. “Okay, maybe I couldn’t last forever. Maybe I would have to eventually return to the real world. Just a quick dash to Flourish and Blotts.”

“Ah, that sounds more like Lily,” Suniska said, smirking. “You’d have to run and see if there was a new edition of _Hogwarts, A History_.” She added with a laugh. “You still have a lot to learn from me.”

“Hmm. Possibly.” Lily reflected that Suniska would be able to sit still and do nothing but relax for at least several years. “But you can’t make fun of me for reading _Hogwarts, A History_ when you’re probably the laziest person I’ve ever met.”

At this, Suniska laughed again. “Okay fair enough. I can be the lazy one, and you can be the smart one… Marlene, what muggle film female character trope do you want to be? A _film_ , Marlene,” Suniska added patronisingly, “is like a _moving picture_. And the character tropes are what the directors - that’s the people in charge - always make the girls because they are _too lazy_ to come up with anything more interesting.”

“Are you joking?” said Lily. “Marlene is clearly the sporty one - she plays a sport - that’s the only qualification she needs!”

“Ugh, of course, quidditch.” 

“Oh shut it!” Marlene exclaimed. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with quidditch when you could drool over Sturgis Podmore last year, Suniska.”

“Ah, but you see Marlene, I don’t hate the player - I couldn’t possibly hate someone that good looking - I hate the game.”

Even Marlene had to laugh at that. “You’re mental, Kumar,” 

“Oh, I love you too Marlene. Even if you are spookily good at a completely useless sport. And I love you, Lily.”

“I love both of you even if you’re both bonkers.”

“No, you’re bonkers.”

“No, you’re bonkers.”

“No, you’re-“

“All right, all right,” interrupted Lily, “Come on now, I think we’re _all_ bonkers.”

The girls' laughter ricocheted down a quiet Diagon Alley, bringing a smile to the faces of the few older patrons who were also shopping. It was nearing the end of a long, hot, and tense summer - Marlene, Suniska and Lily couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts.


	2. Platform Nine and Three Quarters

“Oh Lily, we’re going to miss you so much!”

“I’ll miss you too, Mum,” Lily pulled her mother in for a hug. “And you, Dad!” She called, reaching her arm out to include her father. Lily savoured the moment. It was the last time she would be in her parents’ arms before Christmas. 

“Well, isn’t this lovely.”

“Oh. Hello, Tuney.” Lily lifted her head and turned to see her sister standing on the staircase, looking at her hugging their mum and dad in the hall. 

“How lovely of you to come and say goodbye to your sister, Petunia!” Sheila exclaimed. Sheila was always very keen to see the sisters get along. Despite the fact that they hadn’t had a positive interaction since they were eleven.

“I wouldn’t miss this happy occasion, Mum.” Petunia said snidely. 

“Petunia, darling, that’s hardly very nice. You’re not going to see your sister for months!” 

“I know. That’s why it’s so happy. The freak returns to the school of freaks.”

“Petunia -!”

“Just leave it, Mum.” Lily muttered, her eyes following Petunia as she flounced into the kitchen. “She’s not worth it.”

Sheila shook her head and continued to fuss about, double and triple checking that she had the keys, and her book, and the snacks, and all the things they would need for their drive to London.

Standing there in the hallway, with her full-to-bursting leather trunk and Artemis, her owl, in her cage, Lily felt very out of place. The frozen muggle photos of happier times in years gone by seemed to glare down at her. Even the TV in the living room was mocking her. The sound of an episode of  _ Bewitched _ blaring to the empty room emphasised how Lily’s life was, after six years of immersion in the wizarding world, completely alien to anything her parents - or her sister - had ever experienced. 

Lily knew that this was why Petunia didn’t like her. Petunia didn’t like how Lily had a different, separate life to what Petunia knew - and she didn’t like how she would never be able to really know about it. Even her grovelling letter to Dumbledore the summer before Lily went to Hogwarts hadn’t been able to change that. However, what really hurt Lily wasn’t her sister being nasty - it was the sense of not belonging anywhere. 

Of course, her parents missed her a lot. But at the same time, Lily could tell that they were, in a way, glad when she left to go to Hogwarts. They had never known how to deal with her accidental magic, or the owl that now lived with them, or Lily’s casual chatter about her friends, and their lives, and what she had learned at school. They thought that when she went to Hogwarts for months on end she was returning to somewhere she belonged. Which was, she supposed, partly true. 

But. But. But life as a muggleborn in 1970s Britain couldn’t possibly be described as easy. Forget that the majority of her friends at Hogwarts didn’t understand a lot of her jokes and cultural references and her home life. That, in itself, could be made amusing. And the people that Lily chose to be friends with were interested in learning about muggles - or at least they weren’t openly hostile to it. The issue was that many people were hostile. To put it mildly. 

Lily sometimes wondered why Severus Snape had bothered with her for so many years. He must have known, even in those idyllic days when they spent lazy afternoons flying from swings and playing with flowers, that Lily wouldn’t have a welcoming reception from many parts of the wizarding world. But he persisted in being her friend - a few years ago Lily would have said her best friend - until, of course, the fifth year incident. Calling your supposed best friend a mudblood in front of half the school isn’t something you can really build on. 

No matter how many times Marlene told her and Suniska to forget about Snape - well forgetting about Severus may have been a tip specifically for Lily - and told them that blood supremacy made up a very small part of magical life, Lily could never quite believe her. Not everyone was obvious about their views. However, even outwardly little things could sting. Lily still smarted from when Professor Slughorn said with shock that she was the best potioneer he’d ever seen, even including purebloods. Lily didn’t understand how the supposed ‘purity’ of your blood would make any difference to your ability to make a Pepperup potion. 

Lily had always felt a desperate need to ‘fit in’ to the magical world. It didn’t matter what it was about - the intricacies of someone’s relationship with their great aunt, the theory behind the Cheering Charm, even the magic the house elves used to transport food to the tables of the Great Hall. Name it, and Lily (usually) knew it. But no matter how hard she tried, she could always sense the mutters and the sneers that greeted her exemplary work. Over the last few years, mutters and sneers had become the least of Lily’s concerns - there had also been an increase in the number of attacks against muggleborn witches and wizards. 

So, Lily wasn’t completely welcome in either world. Or at least she never felt as if she was. As she lugged her trunk into the boot of the car and she turned to say bye to the house, she had her usual bittersweet feeling. Out of the frying pan, she thought, as she caught a glimpse of Petunia through one of the upstairs windows, and into the fire, her mind turning to the challenge of being a muggleborn Head Girl in a world that viewed her as practically subhuman. 

-

A shrill whistle blew on Platform 9 ¾. It was packed with parents and teenagers saying noisy goodbyes. Lily, hauling her trunk behind her, was trying to make her way through the crowds. She had said her farewell to her parents out in muggle King’s Cross. Although they tried to hide it, her parents always found the process of getting onto the platform rather distressing; Lily had found it was easier for everyone if she went through alone. 

The only problem was that it then made getting her trunk onto a luggage rack quite difficult. Lily may have been relatively tall, but unfortunately that height had not come with a matching set of muscles. She struggled with the trunk for a few moments in vain. Where was even taller, much stronger, and exceedingly helpful Marlene when you needed her?

“Do you need a hand with that, Evans?”

Lily span round. It was Matthew Abbott. Another seventh year, a Hufflepuff, a prefect. What Suniska would describe as a ‘dream boat’. Lily wasn’t quite as convinced of that as Suniska - in her mind her dream man was a little taller, with darker hair and at least some athletic ability to make up for her extreme lack of it - but there was no denying that Abbott was really quite good looking. The wavy blond hair, tanned skin, brown eyes. And a prefect. So he could be trusted to not be an idiot. 

“Oh! Abbott! Oh yes, thanks, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Lily tried not to stare as Abbott hoisted her trunk up onto the train. 

“Thank you so much!” 

“You’re welcome,” he looked at Lily and smiled. “Good summer?”

“Oh, yeah lovely, thanks. You?” She tried to subtly inspect his robes - because of course he had already changed into them - for a Head Boy badge, but she couldn’t spot one. 

“Ah, it was fine, you know, just spent most of it lazing about in the house in France,” he said with a grin. 

“Oh, wow! How nice.” How perfectly lovely and splendid and nice to be reminded of the fact that all of the purebloods at school would have spent their summers at their country estates or second homes in Europe. She had spent hers reading books in the garden and blasting the radio to annoy Petunia. 

“And I hear from Fawley you got Head Girl! Congratulations!”

“Oh, thank you!” Lily said with an embarrassed smile. “Did you.. eh..?”

Abbott’s beaming smile shrank slightly. “Eh, no, unfortunately not!

Lily felt a bit guilty. “Oh, Abbott, I’m sorry-“ 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, waving her away. “Water under the bridge already.” He added with a chuckle, “So I’m guessing then that you haven’t heard that it’s -“

The whistle screeched loudly again. 

“We’d better be off, Evans - we can’t have the Head Girl missing the train!”

“No, no, wait, Abbott, who did you say was Head B-“

But he had already turned away to jog down to the door for the carriage where, presumably, his friends were. Lily let her eyes follow him for just a few seconds, before getting on the train herself. 

She needed to find Suniska and Marlene. If Matthew Abbott wasn’t Head Boy, then that didn’t leave many other palatable options. Lily tried not to mutter to herself as she sped along the corridor, peeking in each compartment. She had been told by Marlene that it was a slightly mad habit, even though she insisted some thoughts had to be vocalised. The thought that James Potter was one of the likely candidates left in her list of potential Head Boys - that was far too dangerous a thought to be left floating about her head. 

  
  
  



	3. The Hogwarts Express

Lily found Suniska and Marlene in their usual carriage. They were sitting next to each other, Marlene’s feet resting in between where Mary MacDonald and Esther Caplan sat on the other side. All four girls were still in their muggle attire. It was the first time Lily had seen Mary and Esther since sixth year, and both looked like they had had a relaxing summer - Mary’s brown curls were slightly lightened from the sun and Esther, although she didn’t share Lily’s propensity to burn, had an explosion of freckles on her heart-shaped face.

Mary spotted her first. “Lily! There you are! We were wondering where you’d got to.”

Marlene and Suniska shuffled up to give Lily a place to sit. 

“Thanks,” she mumbled appreciatively, her mind still whirring with the implications of Matthew Abbott not being Head Boy.

“How was your summer, Lily?” Mary asked. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen you since June!”

Mary was a muggleborn. She also lived in Inverness which was nigh on impossible for Lily to get to without magic or a large quantity of muggle money. 

Lily laughed, breaking out of her reverie. “I know! The sooner one of us learns to apparate the better!” She said. “My summer was fine, thanks,” Lily added as she sat down. “How was yours?”

“Oh, you know, spent about half of it being eaten alive by midges but it was alright. Marlene was just telling me you got Head Girl - huge well done!” 

Esther looked up from her copy of  _ The Daily Prophet  _ and added her congratulations.

Lily cast a look to Marlene who gave her a cheeky grin in response. From the sounds of it, about half the school would know who was Head Girl due only to Marlene. 

“Thanks, guys,” Lily said bashfully. “I actually was speaking to Matthew Abbott on the platform-”

At the mention of that name, Suniska and Mary’s heads snapped to attention.

“Ooh, Matthew Abbott,” Suniska said with a smirk.

“-and he isn’t Head Boy! Has anyone heard who is?” Lily ploughed on regardless, hoping that Esther or Mary might have heard.

“Ooh, yes!” Mary said. “I was just talking to Remus Lupin-”

Lily could hardly believe her ears. For once, she was glad her fabled intuition had failed. Out of all of the potential prospects for Head Boy, Remus Lupin was top three at least.

“-and he was saying that it’s James! James Potter! Isn’t that super! I’m so pleased for him! And isn’t it fab that it’s two Gryffindors as Head Boy and Girl!”

Suniska stepped in, glancing at Lily’s clearly crestfallen face. “That’s such great news, Mary. James must be thrilled.”

“Oh, yes, I think he is. I was worried that Remus might be upset - you know, with him being one of the prefects from our year and all - but he said it was fine! He didn’t want the pressures of the role anyway. And the way he said it,” Mary paused to look round at everyone. “I really believed him, you know?”

Lily had recovered from her shock. “I knew it!” She cried.

Marlene said dryly to the others, “She’s been saying since she got her letter that she knew it’d be James who was Head Boy. It’s the universe not allowing her to have any good in her life or something.”

“Well, clearly it isn’t!” Lily said defiantly. She glanced at her watch. “Oh, Merlin, is that the time? Sorry, I’ve got to go to the bloody prefect meeting - and I still need to get changed into my robes and -.” 

“Say hello to Potter for me, Lily,” Mary said with a mischievous smile. Her penchant for boys in Quidditch uniform was well known to her dormmates, if not to the actual players. 

“Oh, very funny. You can have him Mary - seriously!” 

-

Lily left her cackling friends behind her as she made her out into the corridor once again, now clad in her pristine black robes, Head Girl’s badge attached (just above her prefect’s). Her mind was so consumed with how she was going to act towards Potter that she hardly acknowledged the salutations from various classmates along the train. A small part of her wondered how many people Marlene must have told about her appointment as Head Girl for there to be so many well wishers. But only a very small part. A much larger section of her mental horsepower was taken up with thoughts of Potter.

And as if her brain had summoned him up, there he was. Standing chatting to Remus Lupin at the door of the prefect’s carriage. His black hair was still a mess, and his glasses were squint over the bridge of his nose. Lily felt herself bristle with indignation as she saw the gleaming Head Boy badge on his robes. 

“All right, Evans?” James looked up and saw her walking towards them.

“Potter. Remus.” She said stiffly.

“Hi Lily,” said Remus politely. “Well done on getting Head Girl, by the way.”

“Thank you.” Lily looked hesitantly to James. “Congratulations, Potter,” she said stiffly. 

“Thanks, Evans,” he said with that crooked smile she hated. “Shall we go in?” He gestured towards the door. “We were waiting for you.”

“Oh. Thanks. Yes, let’s.”

James stood aside to let Lily go in first. How gallant, she thought, rolling her eyes, as she took out a sheaf of parchment and placed it on the central table. The majority of the prefects all stood or sat waiting inside. James and Remus followed her in. James checked his watch, a beautiful silver one with elaborate stars and planets engraved on it. 

“Should we start the meeting now, or wait for a few more to arrive?” He muttered to Lily, leaning down slightly to speak quietly to her.

Lily started. Of course, Potter had never been to a prefect’s meeting before. What a suitable qualification for being Head Boy. 

She turned to him, her skin crawling from the overpowering scent of his cologne as they stood next to each other. “We’ll just wait a few more minutes,” she said. “Nothing important is really said in these meetings anyway, so it doesn’t really matter if they miss it.”

“Oh. Right.” James gave her a grateful smile. 

Lily felt pleased. Marlene and Suniska may have criticised her endless preparations for the possibility of Potter being Head Boy. But they had paid off. If Potter being Head Boy had come as a total surprise to her, Merlin knows how she would have reacted. However, as she was prepared, she was able to be cool, calm, and collected. She was not going to let Potter being Head Boy ruin her year. They could hardly run the school - or the prefect team, at least - if they were at each other’s throats constantly. 

A few more stragglers came into the carriage. James was counting under his breath. 

“I think that’s everyone,” he whispered to Lily.

Lily cleared her throat. “Welcome, everyone. Thank you for coming to this meeting. We’ll try not to keep you too long!”

There were some amused chuckles at that. The previous year’s Head Boy had had a reputation for talking incessantly. He was nice, but once he got started on a niche aspect of the prefect’s handbook… there was no stopping him.

“For those of you who don’t know, my name is Lily Evans and I’m Head Girl. I’m in Gryffindor, and this is…” Lily trailed off, glancing to her side.

“And I’m James Potter,” James filled in. “I’m Head Boy and I’m in Gryffindor as well.”

Inexplicably, Lily could hear a few giggles greet James’ statement. Ridiculous. There was nothing amusing in Potter being Head Boy.

“So,” Lily continued. “Most of you will be familiar with the duties of a prefect, even if you haven’t been one before. You’re responsible for the first years for the first few weeks of term - so making sure that they’re finding their classes, that they’re doing their homework, that kind of thing. After the Welcome Feast this evening, you’ll have to guide them to your common rooms. I’m sure you’ll all remember that from your own first year.”

Mumbles of assent.

“And, everyone’s favourite, patrolling corridors after curfew!”

Now some groans.

“There are a few smaller duties, but you’ll find all of that in your prefect’s handbook, which should have been sent out to you along with your badge. Now, I’ve written up a provisional rota for patrols for the first few weeks of term. Take a copy from the table on your way out. Please let me - or Potter -” Lily shot a glance at James, who was looking fairly overwhelmed, “know if you’re unhappy with the rota for any reason. Any questions?”

Heads shook across the carriage.

“Anything to add, Potter?”

James also shook his head.

“Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Last year, I know that there was a lot of,” Lily paused to find the right word. “Gratuitous point-taking and punishment, shall we say? There will be none of that this year. The only punishment prefects can dish out is point deduction, okay? Anything over fifty points, or anything that you feel deserves something other than points, please refer the person to their Head of House.” Lily gazed around the room, making sure that everyone had taken in her message. Matthew Abbot gave her a smile, and a discreet thumbs up. “That will be all.”

The prefects began to shuffle out of the carriage. Lily hung back so she could collect any spare prefect rotas. 

“Wow,” James said, as the last prefects left. “That was amazing, Evans. You were so organised.”

Lily concentrated on stacking the sheets of parchment together. “Well, I believe it pays to be prepared.”

“Oh, me too,” James said hastily. “I just… well how was I supposed to know what happened in a prefect meeting?”

“You could have asked Remus,” Lily said, pointing to the tall, scarred boy who was standing at the door, waiting for James. He hid a smile at Lily’s dismissive tone. “Or you could have owled McGonagall. That’s what I did.”

“You did? Why? You’ve been to a prefect meeting before.”

“Yes, I know, Potter,” Lily said. “But even I find it tricky to write up a prefect rota when I have no idea who any of the new prefects are.”

“Okay, okay,” James said, holding up his hands. “Here, I’ll do the next rota - I’ll put you with someone really nice. How about… that Hufflepuff, Abbott? I spotted him smiling at you during the meeting.”

Lily sighed, fighting the blush that threatened her cheeks. “You really know nothing, do you? The Head Boy and Girl always have to patrol together - it’s the tradition. Quite a fixed one too, otherwise I would have changed it.” She added. 

James wouldn’t be put down. “All right, then. That’s already one pairing sorted, isn’t it!”

Lily tried for a pleasant smile, as she put the spare rotas away in her pocket and turned to leave. “I suppose so. Though Potter-”

“Yes?”

“I would recommend going through Remus’ handbook if you get a spare moment before the next meeting. It might help you make sense of it all.”

“Noted.” Was all James said. As Lily headed out the door into the corridor, she heard him saying to Remus, “Well, I’m glad that’s over with. What was all that Evans was saying about… ‘gratuitous’ point deduction?”

Lily rolled her eyes. They agreed on one thing at least - she was glad it was over with too.


	4. Arriving at Hogwarts

Even though Lily was now in seventh year, and one of the oldest pupils at the school, she couldn’t help but feel a thrill as the train pulled into the station and she caught her first glimpse of Hogwarts towering over Hogsmeade through the window. She was sitting next to Esther, back in the carriage with the other Gryffindor girls in her year.

“Never gets old, does it?” Esther asked quietly.

“No, it doesn’t,” Lily agreed. 

“I’m really going to miss this place.”

Lily looked over at Esther and saw that the other girl had tears in her eyes. She reached out and squeezed her hand. Around them, the remaining members of their dorm were making a racket, getting their cloaks on and tidying away the rubbish they had produced over the train journey. Mary was making her customary joke about how every year she had to travel all the way down to London just to come back to essentially the same place. Suniska then made her usual quip about that not being environmentally friendly, and everyone acted like they had never heard either comment before. 

“I know what you mean,” Lily said quietly. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but I think I’ll actually miss Mary and Suniska’s awful double act.”

The two girls shared a quiet laugh. The train had now come to a complete stop, and they could hear Hagrid hollering for the first years.

“Oh, I should probably go,” Lily said reluctantly. “I’m meant to be an assistant first year shepherd for Hagrid. I wish I could stay and go up in the carriage with all of you though. For one last time.”

“We’ll leave a space for you,” Esther reassured her. “And then we’ll tell you all about it at the feast so it was like you were there anyway.”

Lily laughed. “Okay. Thank you.” She stood and grabbed her things. “Bye, everyone,” she said. “See you in a million years at the feast once all the first years have discovered how to find a man that’s twice the height and size of everyone else.”

More laughter followed that pronouncement. Lily exited the carriage and skipped out onto the platform. She shivered and hugged her cloak in tighter around her. It was already quite chilly up in Hogsmeade, wherever that was. Mary maintained that it was a twenty minute car ride from her home in Inverness, and that the Ministry made her travel all the way down to King’s Cross not for ‘security reasons’ as they claimed, but simply for their own amusement. 

The station bustled with hundreds of students leaving the train and getting onto the carriages to take them to Hogwarts. Voices and laughter filled the air, and there was a general atmosphere of excitement about returning to school for the Welcoming Feast. Over the summer, there had been an increase in attacks against muggles and muggleborns, the result of which was a marked decrease in the willingness of parents to let their offspring loose in Diagon Alley and other wizarding haunts. The joyful reunion Lily and Mary had had on the train earlier was repeated many times, across every house and year group. 

While there was a general trend of movement towards the carriages, there were a few lost looking children who stood in small clumps, glancing around anxiously. First years, Lily thought. Her hunch was confirmed by the lack of house colours on their robes. She made her way over to the first trio she saw. 

“Hello there, are you first years?” 

The three boys nodded mutely. 

“Well, if you make your way over to that man there,” she pointed over to where Hagrid was standing, bellowing for first years. “He’ll be able to take you to the castle, okay?”

They scampered off. To her surprise, Lily could hear James behind her, having a similar conversation. 

Between the two of them - and Hagrid’s loud call - they managed to get all the first years onto the boats quite quickly. They stood for a moment, watching the little row boats make their way across the lake. 

James cut through the silence. “Do you think we were ever like that?”

“What?”

“That small and scared. The little buggers were so frightened they couldn’t even hear a man who’s practically taller than the train shouting ‘first years, first years!’” 

“Well, I don’t think you ever were,” Lily said, looking across at him. He was staring across the water to the castle. “My memory of you on our first time on the Hogwarts Express seems to consist of you finding and befriending Sirius Black, telling the entirety of our year you were going to be sorted into Gryffindor, and then verbally assaulting Severus Snape.”

“Well I started as I went on, clearly,” James said with a snort. 

Lily gave him a dirty look, and began to walk up to the last awaiting carriage. 

“Ah, Evans, I was just joking,” James said, jogging a little to catch up with her. “And you can’t say Snape didn’t give as good as he got.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Potter.” Lily retorted. 

“So it’s wrong to hex someone who says the m word?”

Lily sighed and continued to march to the carriage. “I didn’t - and don’t - need you to fight my battles for me, Potter. And don’t pretend that the only reason you ever bullied Severus was because of his views on blood purity. You were hexing him long before he ever said mudblood-“

James visibly winced at Lily’s use of the word. 

“- you were hexing him when we were friends!”

They had arrived at the carriage and Lily climbed in. James quickly followed her. 

“Come on, Evans, we both know that Snape was hanging around with his Slytherin ‘friends’ and using… using that kind of language long before he went and said it to you!”

Lily was quiet. If she was honest with herself, Snape calling her a mudblood still stung. Not just because of the action itself, but because it had proved her so, so wrong. She had spent years defending her relationship with Snape to her friends, who all found her supposed ‘best friendship’ with the Slytherin inexplicable. All of Lily’s worst nightmares had come true that sunny afternoon after the DADA OWL. Even she couldn’t deny and explain away something like that said straight to her face. 

“Look, Potter, I feel like we’ve had this conversation a hundred times. You make out like I’m some victim that needed you to act like my... my saviour! Well I wasn’t some damsel in distress. I’m still not one and I never will be. So, just drop it. If it helps you sleep at night, no I’m not friends with Severus anymore. But neither, let me remind you, am I friends with you.”

Lily kept her gaze on James for a moment, whose eyes steadily met her own, before she turned to look studiously at the Forbidden Forest. There was an oppressive quiet in the carriage, which rumbled along the dirt track leading to the castle. 

James cleared his throat. “I was going to ask you what NEWTs you’re taking, but I would hate for you to think I was trying to be friendly.”

Lily flushed with irritation and said nothing. 

“I’m taking Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms, DADA and Muggle Studies.”

“Muggle Studies?” Lily asked before she could stop herself. 

“Yeah, I want to be an auror, so that’s why I’m taking the first five. But, you know,” James looked slightly awkward, “I am, uh, a pureblood so I think it’s good for me to learn about muggles. And Sirius is taking it. But I think he’s taken it to annoy his family more than anything else.”

An appreciative smile reluctantly spread across Lily’s face. 

“What about you?”

“Potions, Charms, Arithmancy, DADA, Transfiguration and Herbology,” Lily said. “So, really quite similar to you.” She added. 

“Yeah,” James said. “So.. do you want to be an auror as well?”

Lily hesitated before she responded. “I’m really not sure. I want… I want to make a difference. In the world. And being an auror would definitely do that. But it’s so competitive just to get in, and then there’s all the tests and character training… I’m not sure it’s worth it when I don’t really know what it is that I see myself doing.”

“‘Too competitive’,” James snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re one of the smartest people in our year. If I think I have a chance of getting in then you definitely do.” He saw the look on Lily’s face and held up his hands. “And I mean that in the least friendly way possible.”

Lily rolled her eyes and spat, “Very funny. And you’re... you. Of course you think you’ve got a chance of getting in - I would be shocked if you even acknowledged the fact that you might be unsuccessful.” James looked hurt, and Lily suddenly felt rather contrite. “Look, sorry Potter, that came out wro-“

“Save it, Evans. You know, I was really hoping us being Head Boy and Girl together could be a bit of a fresh start. Is that really so much to ask?” James said beseechingly. “I’m sure you want to have a good year as Head as much as I do. I don’t know how we can do that if you’re constantly sniping at me.”

Lily was appalled. “I’m- I’m constantly sniping at you?”

“Well, aren’t you?” James said defensively. 

“I-“ Lily paused for thought. “Well, no! No I’m not. You don’t know what you’re asking of me Potter. Of course I want to be a good Head Girl, and even I recognise I can’t do that by myself. But you can’t just ask me to forget the years of mental torture you put me through!”

“Mental torture?” James repeated. “Oh, come on, Evans.”

“I don’t know how else I’d describe it.” Lily said sniffily.

The carriage came to a stop. Lily flung open the door and stormed up the steps and into the castle. James waited for a few moments, then followed moodily behind her. 

The Welcoming Feast was about to begin. 


	5. The Welcoming Feast

Lily and James rushed into the Great Hall, passing McGonagall giving her customary introduction to the first years in the entrance hall outside. 

Lily scanned the Gryffindor table looking for her dorm mates. They were sitting right at the midpoint of it, and to her disappointment, she saw they had managed to pick the spot right next to James’ friends. Or, as they liked to call themselves, the ‘Marauders’. 

She rushed through the hall, squeezing herself in between Mary and Suniska, opposite where Marlene was sitting with her boyfriend Campbell McKinnon. Campbell said hello and they exchanged the usual banal pleasantries about summers and school. Campbell somehow looked even more muscular than he had the previous year - he played beater for the Gryffindor quidditch team and, in Lily’s opinion, you could definitely tell. 

To her right, she could hear Mary and Esther uproariously laughing at a story Sirius Black and James were telling in conjunction - something about Sirius’ attempts to buy a muggle motorcycle over the summer, only to be stumped by his inability to convincingly forge a muggle driving license - and to her left Suniska was moaning about how hungry she was, and Lily turned to tell her that she’d seen the first years outside, so sorting couldn’t be that long away-

A hush spread over the Great Hall. Clusters of heads broke apart and conversations ceased as Professor McGonagall led the timid group of first years along the central aisle. She swept past the gang of seventh year Gryffindors, who exchanged knowing smiles as they remembered the fear they had felt on their sorting. 

The first years shuffled past, and Lily tried to give them a comforting smile. Judging from the terrified expressions she got back, she wasn’t convinced that it worked. McGonagall stopped just at the front of the hall, and stared impassively at the tattered brown hat on top of the battered brown stool that squatted on the platform just in front of Dumbledore and the teachers’ table. A rip just above the brim seemed to twitch and then it burst into song,

_ Once there were four founders whose aims were true, _

_ They created a school which now hosts you, _

_ But sadly each other they sought to outdo, _

_ With houses green, yellow, red and blue. _

_ Proud Gryffindor is red, picking the brave, _

_ Only the pure of blood does green Slytherin save, _

_ Yellow Hufflepuff choses those that kindly behave, _

_ Ravenclaw’s blue students have broad minds that crave.  _

_ But, dear children, I must confess, _

_ The events of our times have caused me to guess, _

_ If violence persists in our terms of address, _

_ The peace in our times will soon regress. _

_ I must implore you to come together, _

_ See that as wizards you are birds of a feather. _

_ There are dark forces that seek to untether, _

_ The bonds that have caused us such calm weather. _

_ Without this unity, it is my fear, _

_ That we shall lose all that we hold dear. _

_ So, listen to me, your Sorting Hat, _

_ And we shall end this period without a spat! _

“Well, that was a bit dark wasn’t it?” Suniska muttered to Lily under the muted applause that filled the hall following the hat’s pronouncement.

“I suppose it’s trying to give us a bit of advice - you know after all the attacks and everything this summer,” Lily said, as her eyes watched, without really seeing, a small girl get sorted into Ravenclaw. 

“Yeah, I know,” Suniska said impatiently, “but I was looking forward to coming to Hogwarts to get away from all of that, not be reminded of it by the first bloody inanimate object I see! And it’s wasting its hat-breath anyway - it’s not like any of us are going to change our minds and suddenly become pally with the Slytherins, is it?”

“Isn’t that the point though, Suniska?” Marlene said from across the table, who must have stopped canoodling with Campbell long enough to pick up the thread of their discussion. “It wants us to be friends with the Slytherins and all the other houses. It thinks that the reason there’s been all the attacks is because none of us mix together.”

“So, the reason that Lily and Mary get called - you know whats - is because they haven’t made enough of an effort to be friends with those people? Lily tried that, if you remember, Marlene, and look where that got her!”

“Suniska, just leave it,” Lily said sighed. “I’ve heard enough about Severus Snape tonight to last me at least a term.”

“What? I didn’t even mention him by name - I’m defending you - I’m saying it wasn’t your fault that-”

“Ahem,” Dumbledore had stood at the dais at the top of the hall. He was wearing purple velvet robes, and his white beard looked as resplendent as ever. Lily caught his eye and had an uncomfortable feeling that he had been watching them throughout their whole discussion; that he knew the contents of their conversation. 

“Students,” he said, raising his hands, “boys and girls, young men and women. Welcome. I know that you are all keen to get on with the feast, so I shall keep this brief. We in the wizarding world stand on the brink of a tragedy unlike any other; you have heard your Sorting Hat this evening, and many of you will have heard the unfortunate and distressing news of recent months. I wish to make it clear that Hogwarts stands resolutely against any form of blood prejudice and violent attack.”

Was it Lily’s imagination, or did his eyes seem to flicker over to the Slytherin table as he said that? The majority of their house were doing their best to seem bored and disinterested. Regulus Black, Sirius’ brother, sat fixated on his cutlery. Evan Rosier and Corban Yaxley were playing a game that involved hovering your hand over lit candles. Amycus Carrow was talking quietly to his sister Alecta. The exception was Snape. His black eyes were filled with a malevolent hatred, the depths of which seemed fathomless, as he stared into space. His pale hand was gripped in a fist on the table. His persona was taunting, mocking, even leaning slightly forward as he seemed to silently implore Dumbledore to continue with his meaningless, pointless, useless diatribe on  _ unity.  _ Lily flinched and forced herself to look away. Blood pounded in her ears. 

Dumbledore finished up his speech by reminding everyone that Hogwarts was a home for all, but Lily barely heard. Her friends were filling up their plates with mashed potatoes, and gravy, and ham, and all manner of delicious foodstuffs. Hers was still empty. She swallowed, trying to drag herself back into the present. It was ridiculous of her to read that much into how Snape was sitting, for Merlin’s sake. He always looked unhappy, and she knew he didn’t like the school or Dumbledore anyway, that was probably why-

“Lily, do you want any broccoli?”

Esther was looking at her expectantly, holding a ceramic dish filled to the brim with the vegetable.

“Oh, yes please, thanks Esther.”

Lily busied herself with filling her gleaming plate with food. She had been looking forward to the feast all day, she reminded herself. She couldn’t let James Potter and a slightly spooky Sorting Hat song distract her from her food.

“So, Lily, what was that you were saying about having a bit too much Snape?” Campbell inquired. “We’ve only been back for barely a day - what has he done this time!”

“Snape is hardly someone to joke about, Campbell,” Suniska said disapprovingly. “He’s a horrible human being and it’s part of the Gryffindor girls’ pact that we all hate him.”

“Is that true?” Campbell asked Marlene.

She nodded grimly, unable to speak through her mouthful of food.

“Well, fair enough I suppose, I never liked the guy much myself. Is just the mere mention of him too much, then?”

Lily grimaced. She would have had to tell her friends (and Campbell. But the approved view was that Campbell barely counted as Marlene would tell him anyway.) about what happened with James earlier at some point, but she would have preferred to do it in the privacy of the dorm, not when he was sitting only a few places away from her. 

“I just…” She lowered her voice. “I just got in an argument with Potter about him, that’s all.”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “What happened to all your big talk about getting on with him for the sake of your Head Girlship, hm?” 

“Well, he makes that very difficult!” Lily said defensively. “We were just talking about our first day at Hogwarts and then he starts making jokes about hexing Snape, acting like the only reason he ever did it was to defend me! Which is total bullshit!”

Campbell smirked.

“What.”

“Okay, maybe defending you wasn’t the  _ only _ reason,” Campbell laughed, his hand waving his food laden fork, “but it was you can’t deny that it wasn’t a part of it. Defending your honour, getting your attention… Lily I’ve shared a dorm with the guy for six years - he was absolutely obsessed with you!”

“So? That doesn’t mean I have to put up with him being such an irritating git.”

“You know he was only annoying because he liked you,” Marlene said. “For pretty much the whole of sixth year he was completely fine.”

Suniska snorted. “Yeah, I think when you still weren’t nice to him after he defended you against a literal death eater, he got the hint you didn’t like him back.”

Lily could feel herself becoming more agitated. “You know, I’m sick of the whole ‘boys annoy you because they like you’ thing. It makes no sense and even if it did, I don’t see why I should have to put up with it. Potter,” She realised how loudly she was speaking and lowered her voice, “is a pompous arse. And you all unpacking his warped motivations isn’t going to change that.”

Campbell and Marlene shared one of those annoying couple glances where they seem to communicate a thousand words to each other at once. Lily watched them with narrowed eyes. They were the leaders of the pro-Potter brigade - the ones to look out for.

“Lily,” Suniska was trying to gain her attention. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this. And I know you won’t take it from Campbell and Marlene because they both have their weird, life long friendship, pureblood loyalty thing about Potter. But I really think that you need to… let this whole Potter thing go. At least a little bit.”

Lily sighed. “Suniska, you know it’s not that easy. He’s embarrassed me for years! Remember when he enchanted every single suit of armour in the school to serenade me for two weeks straight? It was humiliating!”

“Yeah, I know, and it was because I love you that I barely laughed at that at all. But that was, what? Fourth year?”

Lily reluctantly agreed to the date.

“I’m not saying that he’s changed. Maybe, you’re right, and his whole ploy of being the well behaved quidditch captain last year was actually to get your guard down so he can make a complete fool out of you this year. But I doubt it. I mean the boy hardly looks devious, does he?”

The girls looked down the table to where James and Peter Pettigrew were having a competition to see who could fit the most brussel sprouts in their mouth at one time.

“All I’m saying is that you should at least give him a chance. If he turns round and ends up being the exact same James Potter you’ve despised for years, me and Marlene will hold up our hands and say we’re wrong - I mean it!” Suniska said laughing, in response to Lily’s dubious look.

“All right,” Lily eventually said. “I suppose I can hardly execute my plans for being Head Girl if I can’t even speak to the Head Boy.”

“Atta girl!” Suniska said, pleased. “Merlin, I feel like I’ve just negotiated the 1443 Wizard-Goblin Peace Accords.”

The girls’ laughter was interrupted by a handsome boy with chin length black hair tinging his fork on his glass a few seats down the table. 

“Fellow Gryffindors,” Sirius said grandly, getting to his feet. “I have a very important announcement to make.”

Remus was sitting across from him and looked like he was going to die of embarrassment. 

Marlene raised her eyebrows quizzically at Lily, who shrugged in response.

“What on earth is he going to do now,” Esther said disbelievingly. 

“Moony and I-“ Sirius gestured to Remus to stand. He shook his head and refused. Sirius waved more vigorously. Remus reluctantly got to his feet. 

“Moony and I,” Sirius continued. “Are in a relationship. We are boyfriends and I like him very much. That is all; enjoy your evening.” Sirius concluded his speech with a bow, and pulled Remus across to him for a kiss. 

There was a stunned silence. Marlene’s jaw dropped. Campbell looked like something that had been confusing him for months had suddenly clicked into place. Sunsika and Lily shared a stunned glance. A few mutters began to trickle out, but James very determinedly began to clap, and Peter and then the girls quickly joined in. The applause spread down the Gryffindor table as the general air of celebration swept everyone up. Sirius broke off their kiss and grasped Remus’ hand, thrusting in up in the air. Suniska let out a whistle, and an enthusiastic fourth year a little down the table whooped. 

“Oh, this is adorable!” Mary said, clasping her hands together. “You two are just adorable!”

“Congratulations!” An admiring Esther said. “How long have you been…”

“It was written in the stars, Caplan,” Sirius began dramatically. 

“Shut up, Sirius.” Remus said. “Just over the summer, really,” he said to Esther, a faint hint of a blush on his cheeks. “And, well, maybe a bit in sixth year too.” He ran his hands through his hair nervously. “I wanted to just sort of let it spread organically, but Sirius thought it would be better just to let everyone know at once.”

“And I think you will find that I was correct in that assessment, my Moony,” Sirius said. “Look how happy everyone is!”

Lily looked around. Sirius was partly right. It was true that no one looked particularly  _ un _ happy. But when she came to think about it, Lily realised that she had never really considered what the wizarding view of gay relationships was. The fact that there were no openly out students at Hogwarts - or at least there hadn’t been up to that moment - was probably answer enough. 

Unfortunately, it seemed to be another area where despite the magical community’s perception of themselves as just a bit better than muggles, the prejudices from one society quite clearly mapped onto the other. It was also quite clear that no one really knew how to react. James and Peter hadn’t seemed surprised, and it was reasonable that they both had known about it beforehand, but the attitude up and down the rest of the table - and in the pockets of the other houses that had seen Sirius’ display - was one of utmost surprise.

Lily thought about it, and came to the conclusion that she didn’t really care if Remus and Sirius were gay. It was their business, not hers. She just hoped that everyone else felt the same way.

In an effort to be supportive, and not really knowing what else to say, Lily said. “Well, I’m really glad you felt like you could tell us. And if we hear about anyone not being happy, trust me, we’ll take care of it.”

“Yeah,” Esther nodded fervently. “And can I just say, I think it’s so brave what you’ve done.”

“Thank you, Lily. And thank you, Esther.” Remus said quietly. “If we’ve made it easier for even one person to be gay at Hogwarts, then Sirius’ whole performance will have been worth it,” he added with a smile.

“I’m sure you have, Remus.”

“Yeah, thanks, Evans,” spat Sirius over the top of Remus and Esther’s conversation. Something told Lily that James had had an opportunity to update his best friend on their argument in the carriage. 

“Sirius,” Lily heard Remus begin to say, but she turned away. She couldn’t fight two of the marauders all in one day. She thought her head might explode. She sank her head on her hands, her hair nearly falling into her half finished roast. 

“Miss Evans, are you quite alright?”

“Yes,” Lily muttered, thinking it was Suniska doing her atrocious McGonagall impression. 

“Have you finished eating?”

“Yes, I have Sun-” Lily turned her head so her cheek was resting on the table, and her one exposed eye caught a glimpse of some neat black robes. Shit. Maybe Suniska’s impression was a bit more accurate than she thought.

“Well, head off the table and come with me. Professor Dumbledore and I have some important things to discuss with you and Mr Potter.”


	6. A Meeting With Dumbledore

A faint draught rustled Lily’s hair. James and Lily were following in the wake of Professor McGonagall as she strode along a long, unlit corridor. Her black boots clicked against the flagstone floors and the moonlight pouring in from the windows on their left hand side cast a tall, imposing shadow upon the opposite wall. It flickered over the suits of armour that gazed out imperiously, as if on guard, and swept past the portraits that giggled and waved at James and Lily. 

They hadn’t said a word to each other from the moment they had left their friends in the Great Hall. James seemed to be completely ignoring her, and Lily wasn’t going to be the first one to break the silence. 

McGonagall made a hard right, and took them up a spiral staircase that opened to another corridor that had no windows but was warmly lit by a candle chandelier. An ugly stone gargoyle faced them, staring blankly. 

“Sugar quill,” the professor said crisply.

The gargoyle inclined its head and its whole body revolved, revealing yet another tight staircase behind it.

Lily and James had been continuing their unspoken stand off. At the sight of the moving statue, Lily gasped. James looked bored. 

“Six years at a magic school, and you’re surprised at a moving statue. Six years at Hogwarts and you don’t know where Dumbledore’s office is. Come on, Evans.”

Lily looked over at him in surprise. “Oh, so you’re talking to me now - and you’re making fun of me because I’ve never done anything wrong enough to get sent to Dumbledore. What does  _ that  _ say about our respective fitness for office?”

James shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “You’re the one that was making out like I had made your life a living hell, or whatever. And maybe, you know, Dumbledore wants a Head that’s actually lived a little, not spent the entirety of their perfect little life with their nose in a textbook!”

“You’re unbelievable, Potter, I am astounded that the-”

“Miss Evans, Mr Potter. I would suggest that you put an end to this little spat before we get up to the Headmaster’s office.” Professor McGonagall said. She didn’t look impressed.

Lily swallowed uncomfortably. “Yes, of course, Professor,” she said meekly.

James folded his arms and nodded. They began to climb the stairs, McGonagall still leading the way. 

Lily could feel her cheeks flushing with anger as she thought about what James had said. It was hardly unreasonable to be shocked when a staircase just  _ appeared _ as soon as a random sweet was mentioned. Being magical didn’t lead to the utter removal of joy and surprise in your life. It was also hardly unreasonable to not have visited Dumbledore’s office before. Yes, she usually followed the rules; that didn’t mean she carried a textbook around with her. She'd drunk firewhiskey and been to parties and arrived home after curfew. It may have been true that she hadn’t broken as many rules as James at Hogwarts, but that only meant that she valued her education. It didn’t mean that she didn’t know how to have fun. 

An intricately carved mahogany door stood at the top of the staircase. As McGonagall approached, it swung open and McGonagall (and James) strode in. Lily followed a little more hesitantly. As James had been so keen to point out, it was her first time visiting the Headmaster’s office. 

“Ah, Professor McGonagall, thank you for bringing Mr Potter and Miss Evans. Please, sit,” Dumbledore intoned from behind a broad desk. 

The Headmaster’s office was a large, circular room, filled to the brim with countless small artifacts and knick knacks. Lily assumed they were magical in nature based on the way they were spinning, smoking and singing (quietly) on bookshelves, cabinets and displays around the edges of the room. The walls were covered with portraits of a variety of distinguished looking men and women. Dumbledore’s desk was in the middle and behind where he sat there was a large painting of a man with curly white hair and a pointed beard. He wore luxurious blue and gold robes paired with a brown fur hat. If Lily squinted she could read the inscription underneath,  _ Armando Dippet, 1925 - 1968.  _

“The previous Headmaster of Hogwarts, Miss Evans.”

Lily started. “What?”

“The portrait you were looking at. It is of Armando Dippet, the Headmaster before myself. In a slightly misleading tradition, the dates beneath him are the time period in which he was Headmaster, not the duration of his life. He was born in 1637, and is still alive today.”

“Still- still alive today?” Lily asked, surprised. 

“Oh, yes,” Dumbledore said. “We wizards can live for quite an extended period of time… although he was, as happens to us all, becoming quite frail when he retired.” He steepled his fingers together. “But I believe we have some important matters to discuss; so, please Miss Evans take a seat, before I get too carried away with the history of the fascinating objects in this room.” 

“Yes,” mumbled Lily, dropping into the squashy red velvet chair next to James. McGonagall sat in a midnight blue armchair on Lily’s left side. She had never heard in the entirety of her ‘perfect little life’ of anyone living for over 340 years. Her grandmother had died just last year when she was 85 . But then, Lily acknowledged ruefully, her grandmother was a muggle. Yet another thing that she could add to her mental list about muggles and wizards. Maybe because she was a muggleborn she would die earlier too. 

“Yes, sir,” James said politely. Lily stole a glance at him. Smarmy git. 

“Professor McGonagall and I wish to discuss a few of the responsibilities you will have, and expectations we will have, during your time as Head Boy and Girl. You are not in trouble.” He paused. “A most unknown feeling for Mr Potter,” he chuckled.

James laughed and even McGonagall allowed herself a smile. Lily remained stony faced. 

“First of all, may I extend my personal congratulations to you for being chosen as Head Boy and Girl. The teaching body unanimously agreed on your selection.”

James ducked his head slightly. 

“You are both strong leaders within your year group, and the school as a whole. Mr Potter, your performance on the quidditch pitch and your strident efforts to defend those less privileged than yourself have meant that you have gained widespread respect. You are a natural leader who stirs confidence and belief.”

Lily restrained the urge to roll her eyes. Of course Potter was being rewarded for going around hexing anyone that he thought looked twice at him. She supposed that she was one of those ‘less privileged’ that Dumbledore referred to. Even though she had never asked for his defence. 

“And Miss Evans, your bravery when confronted with prejudice has been absolutely inspiring. Your ability to strive for academic excellence when faced with such difficulties has not gone unnoticed. Professor McGonagall and I thought it was imperative that we did not bow down to the blood prejudice that, unfortunately, wesee today. We are proud to have a Head Girl with muggle parentage.”

Lily stared at the old man. He clearly was expecting her to say something. 

“That’s… good of you,” she said after a pause. 

Dumbledore smiled. “I am glad you think so, Miss Evans.” He turned slightly to his right, “I believe Professor McGonagall has some of the more, ah, technical details.”

“Yes, I do, thank you, Professor Dumbledore. Now, I hope your first prefect meeting today on the train went well. Excellent idea, Miss Evans, to owl me over the summer seeking clarification on the key details,” McGonagall said with an approving nod. 

Lily tried not to look too smug. 

“The role of Head Boy and Head Girl are largely what you would imagine. You are in charge of organising the prefect rota, providing guidance to the prefect team on what suitable and appropriate punishments should be, and generally keeping the prefects in line. For example, if a prefect cannot make their duty, you must either fill in for them or find someone else to do so. You also have the same duties as any ordinary prefect. Mr Potter, you may find it beneficial to peruse a copy of the prefect’s handbook.”

James nodded mutely.

“You are also ambassadors for the school as a whole. You represent the entire student body. If there are any important issues that you believe you should be brought to Professor Dumbledore and I, that is your responsibility. Please make your peers aware of this. If we have any visitors to the school, you are crucial to the image we present to them. In that vein, you are also responsible for the decoration of the castle during the holiday season. Don’t look too daunted,” she said with a hint of a smile, “I’m sure you will find it is much less work than you are imagining.”

“And you would not have been chosen if we did not believe you could do it,” added Dumbledore. 

“Thanks, Professor,” said James. 

“Yes, thank you,” said Lily, looking from Dumbledore to McGonagall.

“Well now, off to bed!” Dumbledore said, clapping his hands. “You will want to be well rested for the first day of lessons tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” James said politely, rising from his chair. 

“‘Night,” said Lily, following him up. 

Dumbledore’s blue eyes followed them both as they walked out the door and down the stairs. The door swung shut behind them. 

James walked quickly down the staircase, making Lily rush to keep up. Suniska’s words about making an effort to patch things up with James were echoing in her head. After hearing about the responsibilities they were going to have for the next year, she saw the necessity for at least neutrality even more clearly. 

“Potter, wait, Potter,” she said, jogging slightly as James rattled past the gargoyle and ignored the staircase they had come up previously. 

“I know those are the stairs we came up before,” he said tersely. “But they’ll take us back down to the ground floor, and we want up another two floors to get to the common room.”

“No, I know,” Lily said, slightly out of breath. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”

James didn’t slow down at all. They had reached the moving staircases and he immediately picked one and began to climb it. “Oh, really?” He said, sounding disinterested. “What about?”

Lily followed him. “Just about, well, I wanted to apologise.”

“Whatever for?”

“For being so rude in the carriage earlier. It wasn’t nice and I’m.. I’m sorry. You heard McGonagall in there - we won’t be able to make this work if we’re hardly speaking. So, I’m sorry.”

“So, you’re only sorry because you want to make sure you don’t fail at being Head Girl?”

“Well, I suppose so,” Lily said, flustered. “I am sorry if I made you feel bad, I just think it’s important that we get along-“

“So, you did mean what you said. About me being full of myself and causing you mental torture.”

“Well, you  _ did  _ cause me at least some mental trauma-“ Lily mumbled. 

James sighed. “Come on, Evans. You’re only apologising because you’re worried I’m upset and I’ll mess up your plans for this year. You clearly meant what you said and aren’t sorry about it at all. And until you are, you can save it.”

James increased his pace and pulled ahead of her to the next floor. Lily stopped at the top of the flight of stairs to catch her breath. She glowered at James’ retreating profile. No one could say that she hadn’t  _ tried _ to patch things up, but she was hardly a martyr, or a saint. She couldn’t be expected to go around grovelling at James’ feet because of things  _ he’d  _ said to  _ her  _ years ago. He could come and make it up to her. 


	7. The First Prefect Round

“Newsflash Evans, he’s a death eater. Someone as smart as you should be able to see that.”

How was it, Lily wondered, that every conversation with James Potter seemed to lead them to this familiar dead end. They were nearing the end of their first round as a prefect duo, at the end of their first week at Hogwarts, and all had been going quite well. 

It was true that they hadn’t exchanged a word all week, but secure in the knowledge that they would be forced into a one on one on Sunday, Lily had left James to his mood. She had been busy in the meantime anyway. 

Seventh year meant NEWTs, which were just as nastily exhausting as the name suggested. There had already been mountains of homework assigned and completed, and Lily had a four foot Transfiguration essay needing to be checked and referenced when she finished her rounds. 

Professor Adalov had also asked her to set up an Arithmancy study group for the OWL students. Ever since picking it up in third year, Lily had loved the mathematical nature of the Arithmancy. Much to Petunia’s disgust, maths had been her favourite subject in primary school and so she had leapt at the chance to use that kind of logic in a magical sense. Arithmancy as Lily saw it was essentially the study of probability; using proven relationships between numbers, words and events to make predictions about the future. Lily found it fascinating. Many of Hogwarts’ students, however, found it exceptionally difficult. 

Lily’s theory about this was that many of the people who took Arithmancy were unbelievably ill equipped in terms of their mathematical background. Many children from magical families didn’t even go to school until they attended Hogwarts, relying instead upon tutors (for the wealthy) or sporadic homeschooling from parents for the rest. Even those who went to a muggle primary school often weren’t the most invested in their education there, seeing it simply as a time filler before they got their Hogwarts call up. Lily sometimes thought that it was a wonder her magical peers could even read. 

And so, Lily had been in the pleasant position of sailing through her Arithmancy OWL as half the course was more about the basics of arithmetic rather than anything particularly complicated, and the other half was just plain interesting. While NEWT was definitely more challenging, Lily had thrived. Although she had thought that she had perhaps thrived too much after Professor Adalov had told her about the pressing need to set up a group for all the innumerate fifth years. 

Suniska and Marlene had been busy too. James had wasted no time in setting up quidditch practices again - even before he had had the trials necessary to find replacements for two team members who had graduated the year before - and Marlene spent a good deal of her time moaning about why she had let her quaffle callouses fade over the summer and why Lily and Suniska had let her do such a thing. Suniska had started the preparations for a big Herbology project she had planned with Professor Sprout the year before. It took up a lot of free time and a lot of the fresh air in the dorm as a general air of manure hung around, although Suniska promised that that phase of the project would be over soon. 

So really, Lily had had very little time to mentally churn over her argument with James and his complete rejection of apology. She’d managed to avoid giving Marlene and Suniska a proper run down for their conversation, mainly because she knew what they’d say in response. That she didn’t make a proper effort, that her apology was half-baked at best and completely insincere at worst, that she didn’t give him a chance to explain himself and so on. She figured that giving him a week to cool off might make him more receptive to her (purely neutral and barely even platonic) advances, or, better yet, make him realise the error of his ways so he’d apologise to her for his rudeness instead. Lily liked to be an optimist. 

She’d been waiting for him at the portrait hole for their rounds at 10pm sharp. Rounds were two hours long (rule-breaking, as everyone knows, comes to an end at midnight. Even delinquents need their sleep). He came traipsing down the stairs that led up to the boys’ dormitories. 

“Alright, Evans?” He drawled. 

Lily’s eyes narrowed. If he wanted to regress to fifth year behaviour, two could play at that game. Silent treatment it was then. She nodded, and opened the portrait hole, ducking out. He followed. 

They trudged round the fourth floor corridors, the area that Lily had assigned them in the rota. She had hoped that there would be a lot to keep them occupied as the entrance to the Astronomy Tower was on that level. This meant that it lay within their remit and as it was the key amorous destination within the school, Lily had assumed that they would catch at least a few curfew breaking couples. 

When they checked up the turret for the third time however, and still found no one, Lily realised that perhaps a week was not long enough to build up the required connection to make a chilly night in the tower worth it. She still hadn’t said a word and James hadn’t even continued his efforts to put on a greatest hits performance of his most annoying behaviour. 

She plonked down on the bottom step of the turret and from within her robes pulled out a slim book. She found her place in the middle of it and began to read. 

James looked so bemused at this behaviour that he forgot to maintain his cool facade and asked her after a few minutes, quite pleasantly, if a little surprised, “What are you reading?” 

Lily’s head snapped up. She couldn’t detect any sarcasm in what he’d said, and after shooting him a suspicious look (he responded with an innocent smile worthy of Bambi) she decided it was safe to reply. 

“It’s a muggle book. I’m not sure you’ll have heard of it.”

“Try me.” He said, sitting down next to her. “I am taking NEWT Muggle Studies after all.”

“I know,” Lily said quietly. She ran her finger slowly along the spine of the book, tracing the letters that made up the title. “It’s called  _ Foundation  _ \- it’s by a guy called Isaac Asimov. He’s pretty famous.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s it about?”

Lily considered how best to answer. How to tell a pureblood boy who probably didn’t believe that muggles had managed to land on the moon that there was a whole genre of fiction about imagined realities where humans - no, not just any old humans,  _ muggles  _ \- managed to travel across the galaxy, colonising planets, creating robots and encountering alien species. How did you even begin to explain that? 

“It’s about…” Probably best to keep it simple, Lily decided. “The decline of a muggle empire that’s spread across the entire galaxy.”

A pause. “The galaxy?”

“Yeah, it’s the name for the group of stars we live in? That might not be the most scientifically accurate explanation but-“

“No, no, don’t worry I know what a galaxy is!” James said hastily. “I mean, I have an OWL in Astronomy, Evans. What I mean is, there are muggles all across the entire  _ galaxy _ ?” 

Lily stifled a laugh. “No, I should have explained that better. It’s a science fiction novel?”

James’ face looked blank. 

“It’s a genre of muggle fiction that… imagines what might happen if we could travel to other planets and stars, or if there were aliens, or if we had way better technology. Stuff like that.”

“So, there aren’t muggles living,” James gestured generally above him, “everywhere?”

Lily smiled. “No.”

“So, why do you read it then?”

Lily looked at him quizzically. 

“I mean, if it’s something that will never happen.” James elaborated. 

“It’s... interesting. I think it’s amazing that people can imagine these whole new worlds, new technologies. It’s like a dream.” Lily swallowed. “Lots of muggle books are like this - about imagined worlds. There are lots about magic, for example.”

James looked impressed. “Really? But ah-“ he seemed pleased with himself - “surely they’re just wizards writing about magic and  _ pretending  _ to be muggles.”

Lily considered this. “That could be true. But I choose to believe that it’s not. And the magic in lots of these books isn’t anything like real magic, even if there are dragons and wizards and talking lions and what not.”

“So, lots of muggle books are just made up stories?”

“I thought you took Muggle Studies.”

“I do! And I knew some were, I just didn’t realise it was such a big thing.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ve always been surprised that there isn’t more wizarding fiction - it’s something I really looked forward to when I found out I was a witch. In the muggle world there’s such a tradition of literature - books from literally hundreds of years ago that are still relevant now.”

“There is wizarding fiction,” James said defensively. “The Tales of Beedle the Bard?”

Lily shook her head dismissively. “It’s not the same.” She had read The Tales of Beedle the Bard in the summer between first and second year, hoping it would be a snapshot of wizarding life for her to feast on in the summer. She had been sorely disappointed. “Beedle is like… a historical account. They’re all stories about things that probably did happen, a long, long time ago. There’s nothing like what you get in the muggle world - books about completely imagined characters and relationships and settings used to describe something that’s innately, well, human.”

James snorted. “It’s probably just because muggle life is so boring they need made up stories to make their lives a bit more exciting.”

“Did you listen to a thing I just said?” Lily asked, annoyed. “Literature is about a shared human experience - at its heart a good book is about life itself.”

They sat in silence for a moment. James said awkwardly, “So, em, what’s the best book about the human experience of life in the seventies then?”

“Oh, I don’t really know. What?” She said in response to James’ look of shock. “I can’t read everything, and anyway I don’t really read books set in the modern day.”

“Really?” James said, intrigued. “Why? Surely those would be the most relatable ones!”

“Probably,” Lily agreed. “But books are also an escape. It’s okay reading about someone who’s lonely in 1812 in Russia , or someone who feels miserable on an imaginary planet in the year 5007, but to read about it in an imitation of your own life? Your own town? Your own family? It’s just a little too close to home.” James looked lost in thought and Lily regretted saying so much. He’s hardly your best friend, she berated herself, no need to tell him about your crippling turmoil about whether or not you actually belong anywhere. 

“You sound like Remus,” he eventually said quietly. Lily blinked. That was not what she had expected him to say. “He always talks about reading as a kind of escape - although I’ve always taken that to mean as an escape from our madhouse of a dorm. Maybe I’ve been mistaken.” He added with a smile. “So why do you want to run away from your current life?” He said it with humour in his voice, but when Lily met his gaze his hazel eyes were firm. 

“I…” she trailed off looking at the floor. This was James Potter. James Potter who was an arrogant bully. “It’s not really any of your business, Potter.” She snapped. 

She turned her head just in time enough to see James raise his eyebrows and shake his head. 

“What was that for?”

“It’s just… it’s just like what I said on the train. You can’t keep sniping me at me for no reason.”

“No reason?” Lily shook her head, at a loss for words. “You just said that muggles only write books because their lives are boring! My whole family are muggles!”

“Oh, Evans, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You still said it.” Lily said quietly. “And words have meaning.”

“I know that. I didn’t know you did though.” James said peevishly. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Lily rounded on him. 

“Just that, well, you seem to have a massive double standard when it comes to me!” He said, agitated. 

“Please explain.”

“You jump down my throat at the tiniest little thing I say, yet you managed to be friends with Snape for years!”

“Oh, Merlin, this again!” Lily said. “You can’t keep dragging everything I say back to Severus.”

“ _ I  _ drag everything back? It’s you who brought him up the other day, trying to use him as a stick to beat me with. Well, newsflash Evans, he’s a death eater. Someone as smart as you should be able to see that.”

Lily got to her feet and checked her watch. 11:40. She didn’t care. She’d make the walk back to the Common Room last twenty minutes. “Just because you don’t like someone who’s blood prejudiced doesn’t make you a good person, Potter,” she said, not looking at him. “I know that Snape - that Snape is a death eater. If I’m honest, I think I knew what he was really like for years, I just ignored it. Which is why I’m not going to do the same with you. For the last bit of our friendship, Snape didn’t even really see me as a real person. I was someone he could treat however he’d like and it wouldn’t matter. Well, you’re just as bad! Teasing me for all these years, trying to make me feel like a fool for ever being friends with Snape in the first place, and then expecting me to grovel at your feet and thank you and beg for your forgiveness for ever having not liked you. It’s just ridiculous! I don’t snipe at you Potter, and I don’t have double standards. So, so, there!”

Lily clutched her book to her chest and walked away, hoping that James wouldn’t be able to tell that there were tears slipping down her face, and dripping off her chin, and soaking her robes. A single drop splashed onto the top of her book, bleeding into the pages that described the perfect plan for humanity. If only she had something so numerically sound that would guide her every action and lead to the most ideal outcome. Even Arithmancy couldn’t do that. It seemed it only existed in science fiction. 


	8. A Trip to Hogsmeade

The trees in Hogwarts’ grounds were now fully red and gold. Leaves drifted slowly towards the earth and as the sun rose, it illuminated an air that would sting the nostrils and crystallise breath. The sky ventured a deep, piercing, autumnal blue. Light filtered through a dormitory window and made a sparkling pool on the floor. Dust mites fluttered through its shining beam and infected the whole room with a fuzzy quality that made lying beneath red bed sheets feel like a mother’s embrace. A sense of serenity prevailed, enhanced by the faint birdsong that could only just be heard. The room felt heavy, and heady, with promise. There were scattered sheets of parchment on the floor where they had fallen off a bedside table. An empty bottle of butterbeer had rolled in its drunken, haphazard way to rest under a chest of drawers laden with clothes and other pieces of life’s detritus. A trailing brown hand lay out of the side of a bed, its fingers lazily awaiting some touch from God. And God spoke.

No, not really. But something, somewhere, made some kind of noise.

_ Tap, tap.  _

The sound rang in the air, a noisy intrusion from the real world where people expected the things that were promised.

_ Tap, tap. _

The brown hand retreated into bed. It rubbed a pair of brown eyes, which blinked, once, twice, and looked for the noise. A brown owl was at the window. 

Mary MacDonald, the person to whom the hand and eyes belonged to, sat up. 

“Lily.”

A sleeping girl in the bed next to Mary did not move.

“Lily.” She repeated with force.

“Yes?” Came a mumbled response.

“Your owl is at the window. It wants in.”

Lily lifted her head, and saw that Mary was correct. Artemis was indeed at the window, and had been tapping persistently for at least a minute.

She swung her legs out of bed. Artemis tapped again.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she grumbled.

Mary watched Lily walk over to the window, relieve her owl of her letter, and send her on her way.

“What’s so urgent that Artemis couldn’t wait until breakfast?” Mary yawned.

Lily was opening the letter. “Oh, it’ll be nothing. My mum just doesn’t really understand how the owl post works, so she tells Artemis to ‘fly fast’ with anything she sends. Arty interprets that as being urgent and, well, here we are.”

Lily was now skimming its contents.

“Anything interesting? Or urgent,” Mary added with a smile.

Lily rolled her eyes. “No. My sister’s got a new boyfriend. Victor I think.” She consulted the letter again. “No, Vernon,” she corrected, “and he works with drills. Oh, how fascinating.” Lily fell back onto her bed.

Mary snorted. “He sounds like a riot.”

Lily huffed. “Trust me, if Tuney likes him, he’ll be dull as dishwater.”

“Who’s dull as dishwater?” Esther asked sleepily. “And why are we up this early?”

“Oh, morning, Esty!” Mary said. “Sorry we woke you up, Lily’s owl can’t read social cues.”

Lily nodded to confirm this unfortunate fact.

“Oh. Right,” Esther said bemused. “What time is it, anyway?” She rolled over in bed to check the clock on her bedside table. “Oh, it’s 8:30. That’s fine, probably time to get up- ugh!” She exclaimed.

“What is it?!” Mary said.

“Oh no,” she moaned. “I left my History of Magic essay on my nightstand last night, but now it’s all over the floor and completely out of order.”

“Well, you can just pick it up and put it back in order, right?” Lily said.

“Well, yes,” Esther agreed reluctantly. “But it took me ages to finish it last night because I’d missed the lesson it was on because I was home for Yom Kippur and I said to myself that I would never look at it again so…” 

Lily giggled at Esther’s reasoning, and even she had to smile. Mary watched Esther scoop up the many pieces of parchment paper and shuffle them back together again, and said, “Oh, I’m so glad there are no classes today.”

“Me too,” Lily agreed. The first month of NEWT work had taken a toll on all five members of their dormitory. Lily felt like she had permanent purple shadows beneath her eyes and had taken to bringing her homework with her on all of her prefect rounds. It was quite anti social, she had to admit, but it was time efficient and gave her a valid reason not to make eye contact with James Potter for the entire evening. She still felt a bit sick when she looked back on how inadvertently open she had been with him on their first round. 

She had been reassured when she recounted the evening to Marlene and Suniska that it hadn’t come across as vulnerability - that she had managed to make her antipathy to him quite clear. However, she still felt uneasy. She couldn’t take back all the horrendously embarrassing things she’d said about reading as an escape. She also couldn’t deny the fact that he’d said absolutely nothing to her since then. Not a scrap. It was the first time that had ever happened. Lily felt pleased. Finally the message had got through to him, she thought with satisfaction, albeit satisfaction marred with a certain knowledge of the cost it had come at. She had meant everything she had said - but had she had to say it in such a cruel way?

And deep inside, it was maybe, slightly, possible that she missed him. No, she couldn’t miss  _ him,  _ oh no, she missed  _ it. _ She missed their back and forth and relentless bickering that had been such a constant in her life for so long. He was like a scab that you’d pick when you were bored and when it finally healed up you were sad, even though you knew that it was good it was gone. She lacked a release that had always been there for her. The silence felt too strange. She hadn’t told anyone that. She hugged this longing feeling to her heart, hiding it. She hid it so well, she even hid it from her mind. But her heart knew. And it could bide its time. 

That crisp day when Lily learnt about Petunia and Vernon was also the first Hogsmeade Day. Marlene had planned their itinerary, saying quite sensibly that days to Hogsmeade didn’t happen very often, so it was wise to have a clear idea of exactly how they wished to spend their time. 

They were meant to be leaving Hogwarts’ grounds at 10.30. Lily knew that Marlene would be woken by her alarm at 9, and would then proceed to complete her military-timed morning routine. Lily also knew that Suniska would not be woken by said alarm, and that to get her out of bed before 1pm on a Saturday would require a carefully planned operation.

Lily quickly showered and got dressed. She was wearing new flared jeans that she had found in a charity shop over the summer and a striped rainbow jumper. She heard Marlene’s alarm go off and examined Suniska. Not a flicker of movement. 

The door banged shut as Mary and Esther left to go to breakfast. They had also shouted a cheery ‘goodbye!’ over the noise of the shower starting up again, but Suniska still did not react. 

Her black hair lay tousled over her face as she lay spread-eagled on her back. Occasionally she omitted a small snore. 

Years of practice had educated the other members of the dorm on the most effective methods of waking her up. Lily picked up a glass of water that someone had left sitting on the dresser. Pleasingly, the chill weather had meant that the water inside was quite cold. Lily dumped the contents of the glass over Suniska’s head. She rejoined the waking world with a splutter, shaking her head like a wet dog.

“I hate it when you do that,” she gasped.

Lily stood with her arms folded unsympathetically. “It’s either that or we spend twenty minutes shaking you and calling your name and end up dragging you out of bed. Your choice."

Suniska humphed and lifted herself up on her elbows. “What time even is it?”

“Just after nine I think. Marl’s in the shower.”

Suniska sank her head back into her sodden pillow. “Eugh,” she said, sitting back up again. “That feels horrible. I don’t know why you got me up so early Lils when I feel like I barely need a shower anyway.”

“I would,” Lily mused. “I don’t know how old the water in that glass was.”

“Lily!”

The three girls eventually made it down to the Great Hall for breakfast without incident. Marlene tidily assembled herself a bacon and egg roll, while Suniska sleepily stared into the milky void of her cereal. Lily munched on some toast while she listened to Marlene laying out the plan for the day for what felt like the hundredth time. 

They entered the outside at 10:28, to Marlene’s satisfaction. They had decided the previous night that they would take advantage of the glorious day that was promised and walk down to Hogsmeade rather than take a carriage. Suniska’s floral patterned trousers swished amongst the crunchy leaves that littered the path. Marlene had her hands in the pockets of her corduroy pinafore as they strolled under the caramel coloured arch of trees that extended above them.

“So, what time are you meeting Campbell, Marlene?” Suniska asked.

“Are you serious, Suniska?” Lily said, with a smirk. “I think she’s told us what time she’s meeting him twice in the past ten minutes.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t listening,” she said breezily. “I was just wondering how much time we’ll have with Marls before she abandons us for her boyfriend.”

Marlene shook her head. “I’m hardly abandoning you. I’m meeting him at the Three Broomsticks at 1:30 for lunch. You’re welcome to come.”

Lily and Suniska exchanged a look.

“We’ll pass,” Lily giggled.

“We have a bit of self respect left,” Suniska agreed.

“And anyway,” Marlene continued. “The whole reason we planned to get up and leave early was so I could have plenty of time with you two before I went to meet Campbell. I don’t even know what your problem is with meeting us for lunch - I thought you liked him.”

“No one said they didn’t like him, Marlene,” Lily said reprovingly. “You know we like Campbell. It’s just a bit depressing sitting third wheeling your best friend and her boyfriend.”

“You sit with us all the time!”

“Not when you’re on a date though,” Suniska said. “There is a difference. It just emphasises how single I am when I see how happy you are.”

“Oh, thanks.”

Suniska laughed. “No, no, not in a bad way. It’s nice to see you so happy. It just makes me feel like I’ll be forever alone. You and Campbell have been together for, what, two years now?”

Marlene nodded.

“And you’re just perfect. He’s always nice, he’s funny, your families like each other, he’s not  _ bad  _ looking - what’s not to love?”

“Suniska,” Marlene shook her head, amused. “You know that it hasn’t been completely perfect. Like, remember when we had that huge argument about his whole bedroom being covered with posters of the Holyhead Harpies? Even though  _ I _ should be the only female quidditch player in his life.”

Suniska sighed and slipped her arm round Marlene’s, “I know, I know. And I know I’m being a bit silly. I just can’t help but feel that, well, this is our last year at Hogwarts, and I can’t think of a single set of parents that didn’t meet here. Statistically, if I don’t somehow find the one by the end of this year, then in fifty years time I’ll be living in a one bedroom with my cats or something.”

“Lily, can you try and talk some sense into her?”

Lily puckered her lips in thought. “Well, in a way she has a point.”

“What?!”

“No, no, wait, listen to me. It is true that most people’s parents met at Hogwarts. I mean, mine didn’t, but they don’t really count. But that doesn’t mean they actually proposed in the Divination Tower or anything. It just means that when they met properly a few years down the line, they sort of already knew each other. Like the ‘my brother was friends with your dorm mate’ kind of knew each other. Obviously there are the people that got together at Hogwarts and will probably stay that way, like Marlene and Campbell,”

Marlene blushed.

“But really Suniska, I don’t think you need to be worrying. I’m not and I’m just as single as you are!’

“Oh, I suppose. But don’t you dare lie to me Lily Evans and say we’re the same level of single!”

“What?” Lily exclaimed. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Well, a little birdie told me that someone told her that a certain Matthew Abbott has been very friendly to you after the prefect meetings. Carrying your books, helping you hand out… well whatever it is you hand out at prefect meetings. Arriving early and staying late…” Suniska trailed off with a coy smile.

Lily could feel her face heating up. “Oh. That. Well, well, yes, Abbott has been quite nice recently, but I don’t think he- he  _ likes _ me or anything. He’s a Hufflepuff, they just are nice.”

Marlene shook her head teasingly. “I don’t know Lily… handing out leaflets about how to take points off people? Now that’s boyfriend material.”

“Oh, shut it,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “And I bet your ‘little birdie’ was Mary, Suniska, and we both know her intel is-”

“Always spot on?” Suniska interjected. “Come on, Lily, you can’t deny that Mary’s network of friends is completely and totally all encompassing.”

“I was going to say that it was mere conjecture based off of gossip,” Lily said sniffily. “And I have no wish to comment any further.”

Suniska and Marlene giggled. “Okay, Evans,” Marlene said. “But we better get any updates before Mary hears about it!”

The path had come out of the woods that it meandered through on the way to Hogsmeade. It skirted round the edge of the dark Forbidden Forest and rolled down a hill to meet with the main road. The road then crossed a stone bridge that passed over a brook before joining up with Hogsmeade High Street. The town was full of Hogwarts students. Excited third years who were on their first trip to the small collection of houses and shops that made up the only completely wizarding community outside of London dashed around, trying to go to every shop. 

The girls spent a delightful few hours perusing their own favourite establishments in the village. Marlene needed new elbow pads as hers had almost worn through, which entailed a visit to Sprintwitches Sporting Needs. Suniska wanted to go to Dogweed and Deathcap, the herbologist’s, to see if they had any of the materials she needed for her project with Professor Sprout. They all laughed at the ridiculous new fashions Gladrags’ was stocking as part of its ‘authentic’ muggle collection, and Lily thought her stomach would burst when Suniska came out of the fitting room bedecked in a glittery, feathery ensemble that promised the wearer ‘complete anonymity’ if venturing out into the muggle world. A look in Honeydukes was always essential (the dorm’s supplies of sugar quills and chocolate frogs seemed to run out very quickly) and Lily wanted a quick look in Tomes and Scrolls.

The time up to 1:30 when Marlene had to go and meet Campbell seemed to pass very quickly. Upon consideration, Lily and Suniska had decided that they too would have lunch at the Three Broomsticks - but separately to the happy couple. 

They waved to Campbell and hugged goodbye to Marlene, as he showed her the way to the snug booth he had managed to snag for them. Lily and Suniska resigned themselves to the rickety central table that was positioned right in front of the door, in the perfect place to receive constant gusts of wind as people came and went. However, after a prolonged bout of shopping they still settled appreciatively into their seats.

When their butterbeers arrived, they both took a long thankful sip of the smooth, sweet liquid. 

“So, Lily,” Lily looked up from her peaceful contemplation of how delicious butterbeer was to see Suniska’s keen brown eyes fixed on her. “Now that our beloved, but slightly blinkered, friend has gone, time to address the hippogriff in the room.

“What hippogriff?” Lily asked warily. “And how is Marlene blinkered?”

Suniska snorted. “Don’t give me that. You know exactly what I mean.” She leaned forward, “We are going to talk about James Potter.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Lily tipped her head back so it rested against the back of her chair.

“And don’t give me that!” Suniska laughed. “I’ve been waiting patiently for ages to talk to you about this. I wanted to wait until Marlene wasn’t here because I know she doesn’t really get it. And to be honest, neither do I probably, but I’m not as bad as her. I mean my mum’s a muggleborn.”

“Get what?”

Suniska flapped her hand. “Why you dislike Potter so much. I know it’s because you think he’s a stuck up, arrogant pureblood and I get why you don’t want to say that to Marlene.”

“Oh my god, Suniska!” Lily exclaimed. “You can’t say things like that! I don’t dislike Potter because he’s a  _ pureblood _ ,” she hissed.

“So you say. But we both know he typifies everything that’s annoying about them.” Suniska looked unconcerned at Lily’s horror. “The arrogance, the confidence about anything to do with magic, the way they just  _ know _ little things about this world - the world we all live in - that we’ll never be able to match even in a million years. But, and I can’t believe I’m going to defend them all and say this, that’s not his fault. He didn’t choose to be a pureblood.”

“I’m not thick, Suniska. I know that.”

“But do you?” Suniska looked sharply at the girl opposite her. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. It’s not normal for the Head Boy and Head Girl not to speak to each other, and even if I didn’t give a toss about all of that - which I don’t really - I care about you. You’re a nice person, Lily. It’s not like you to have  _ that  _ sort of relationship with someone. It’s clearly been stressing you out.”

Lily opened her mouth to speak but Suniska shook her head. “I know what you’re going to say, Lils. I know there’s a whole litany of crimes he’s committed against you. But what I want you to think about is why you are so, so harsh against him. You’re not this opposed to any of the other Marauders, or even Snape! You can always find excuses for people and why they’ve done things and how they’re not completely awful. I don't get your hatred for Potter. You don’t even dislike Sirius Black this much.”

Lily bit her lip. She hadn’t been anticipating this onslaught. She felt slightly startled.

Sunsika looked at her expectantly. 

“I… you’re right.” Lily said eventually, after a long pause. 

Suniska raised her eyebrows, wanting more detail.

“I don’t know…” Lily said, quailing slightly under Suniska’s stern look. “Well, it’s like you said. He’s really not done anything distinctly different to his friends. But he just has this way of getting under my skin. It does annoy me that everything just comes so naturally to him,” Lily said with growing realisation. “But I’m not sure. I know I meant everything I said to him - even the mean stuff - but I just have no idea why he’s the only person that makes me feel that way.” Lily put her head in her hands, “I just feel like such a bitch, Suniska. He asked me on the first day back at school to stop sniping at him and I completely blew him off. At best, I’ve been stand-offish ever since, even with all my grand plans about being nice to him for the sake of being Head. And right now when I think about it, it’s so easy to say that I want to clean the slate, but I know when I see him I’ll just blow up again.”

“Well, not necessarily.”

Lily looked up at her with hopeless eyes.

“You have to stop acting like people can’t change, Lily. I know that you waited and waited for Snape to change and he never did, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is the same as him. Tell me a positive thing about Potter that he maybe wouldn’t have done a few years ago.”

“Well… he’s been very diligent in all of his Head Boy duties. I wouldn’t have expected that from him.”

“Well, there you go,” Suniska said, pleased. She reached out to grab Lily’s hand. “Look, Lils. Marlene thinks that Potter is actually a great guy - I’ll be honest, I don’t know about that - but it’s been killing me seeing you embroiled in such a spat with someone. It’s just not you. Now, I have no idea why he’s able to get under your skin in the way he does, Godric only knows, but I think it would really be good for you if you could get your relationship back on track. You need one less thing to worry about, what with just normal school stuff, and your duties, and your bloody Arithmancy OWL study group.”

Lily smiled and nodded. “You’re right. You’re right. I have felt just exhausted recently, I guess it can’t do any more harm if I try to be a bit less reactive.”

Suniska smiled back, and their sweet moment was intruded by the barmaid clattering their plates of food down.

“Ah, bon appetit!” Lily said, with some relief that they were going to be able to move on from this soul baring topic.

They dug in, and the hum and chatter of the pub surrounded them. Snippets of conversations about homework, and friends, and relationships, and food, and family, and all those seemingly humdrum aspects of life that are really the things that make it worth living filled the air. The light from outside battled through the condensation covered windows. It was a good day. 


	9. In the Dungeons

They were a ragtag bunch of all four houses; arriving in clumps of friends they dumped their belongings on their chosen benches and wearily pulled out cauldrons and textbooks and scales. The dungeon classroom was dingy and dark as always, and a persistent smell of burning filled the air; the first years had been in the period before. There were six rows of seats, each with two sets of benches that sat two pupils. The seventh year NEWT class barely filled the first half of the room. Professor Slughorn accepted those with an E or above for NEWT level Potions, but it seemed that their year had not been very successful in their fifth year examinations.

Lily Evans and Suniska Kumar sat in the second row, on the right. Prime position, in their opinion, as they were close enough to the front to see Slughorn doing any examples without having to move from their seats, but not so close that they risked being unable to chat during lessons due to the proximity of their teacher. 

The four unlucky pupils in the danger zone were two Ravenclaws who sat together, and two Slytherins, Severus Snape and Evan Rosier. At least Professor Slughorn’s strict entry requirements had barred any more of their knuckle-dragging friends from being in the class. Then, to Lily and Suniska’s right, sat Esther Caplan and Remus Lupin. Behind them were James Potter and Sirius Black. Peter Pettigrew had clearly been unable to meet the E at OWL, in much the same way as Marlene and Mary. Finally, facing Lily and Suniska’s backs, were Leila Shafiq, a Slytherin, and a Hufflepuff boy who spent most of his lessons trying to avoid eye contact with her. 

It was a quiet class. NEWT Potions was known for being fiendishly difficult, and even James and Sirius were relatively studious. In addition, the strange mix of houses and people meant that it wasn’t a receptive audience for any clownery. They would sit in silence as Slughorn eulogised about various complicated potions and their ingredients. He would ask the class questions and invariably only Lily or Snape would answer. He would set them on a practical task and finally a low hum of chatter would build, breaking periodically as someone dropped a glass vial, or blew something up, or caused a particularly noxious smell to waft across the room. 

That lesson, the Tuesday after the first trip to Hogsmeade, the students had entered to find the words Scintillation Solution inscribed flamboyantly across the blackboard. Slughorn was sitting at his desk at the front of the classroom, busily writing something with a splendid peacock feather quill. Once the general clatter of books and bags had quieted he looked up.

“Ah, excellent, everyone is here. My little NEWT class; my master potioneers!” He said with a chuckle, rising from his seat, smoothing down his rather vile velvet smoking jacket. 

No one laughed.

“So, as the more observant among you may have been able to see from what is written on the blackboard,” he continued merrily, “today we will be working on the Scintillation Solution. It is a rather challenging concoction, but I have every faith in you all. Can anyone tell me what the Scintillation Solution does?”

Lily’s hand hit the air, as did Snape’s.

“Ah, Lily, Severus, of course I can rely on you two to know!” Slughorn said fondly. “Just this once, however, does anyone else know the answer..?”

Yet more silence. 

“Very well then, Severus, my dear boy, tell us all about the Scintillation Solution!”

“It’s a brain tonic that enhances a person’s ordinary mental capabilities.”

“Yes, quite right, five points to Slytherin. The instructions can be found on page 225 of your textbooks and this potion will take you the entirety of our lesson; it’s brewing time is almost three hours!”

There was a general muttering as people flicked through textbooks and began to split up the ingredient preparation and cauldron monitoring as they were accustomed to do in their pairs. 

“Wait, wait!” Slughorn called over the ruckus. “I have a small change that I would like to introduce today. If it is successful, I hope we will be able to maintain it past this lesson!”

Blank faces stared back at him. Slughorn’s small changes usually entailed things like playing classical music which usually came to an abrupt end when someone got a bit  _ too  _ into the piece and began stirring their potion in time to it, which often caused a catastrophic destruction of whatever they were trying to create. 

“Today, I thought we would mix up the seating!”

Finally, something provoked a reaction. There was a general groan as people looked around the class and confirmed the poor options they would have in any different combination of seats. 

“Is that really necessary, Professor?” Rosier asked. “Everyone in this class seems to be working quite well just where they are.”

“Indeed, Mr Rosier,” Slughorn said. “And after some reflection, I have grown concerned that some members of this class are profiting off their partner’s diligence and good work.” He looked pointedly at Rosier. Suniska smirked at Lily and sank slightly lower in her seat. “So, I thought I would put my theory to the test. I have created a new seating plan, and I would like you all to move as follows; here,” he pointed to the front bench where Snape and Rosier currently sat, I would like Miss Kumar and Miss Clearwater.”

Suniska mouthed ‘bye’ to Lily and made a sad face. 

“Then here,” Slughorn now gesticulated to the other front bench, “will be Mr Snape and Mr Black.”

Lily had to stifle a laugh when she saw the look on Snape’s face. He looked as if he had been forced to swallow a rotten egg. She was too afraid to look around to see Sirius; she thought that might push her over the edge.

Her mirth was put to a sudden end, however, when she heard Slughorn say, “and here, Mr Potter and Miss Evans.” Slughorn gave her a smile, but Lily was too horrified to return it. It was one thing to say to Suniska in the comfort of the Three Broomsticks that she would put in more of an effort with James; quite another to actually have to follow through with it when she wasn’t expecting to see him until their next prefect round. She looked at Suniska, but the girl was sitting shaking with her eyes shut, trying not to laugh. Lily rolled her eyes.

Remus was put with the long-suffering Hufflepuff that usually sat with Leila Shafiq; he looked quite pleased to be put with Remus. The other Ravenclaw drew the short straw of being put with Evan Rosier, leaving Esther to be put with Leila. Lily looked across to her and mouthed ‘good luck!’. Esther grimaced in response. The beautiful green-eyed Slytherin looked impassive.

“Well, come on ladies and gentlemen, to your seats!” Slughorn said, clapping his hands. 

Wooden legs scraped and cauldrons clanged as the class shuffled around. Lily moved over to the bench on the left side of her row and unpacked her things. James had already dumped his stuff onto the worktop. 

Lily found the correct page in the textbook and laid it in between them. James was turned in his seat and was mouthing something to Sirius. He looked slightly irritated. Lily spun round to face Sirius, who hastily stopped whatever he had been doing when he saw her. Snape was leaning over the textbook next to him, completely ignoring Sirius’ display. 

“So,” she said, turning her attention back to their potion. “Do you want to get the cauldron set up at the right temperature and then I can go and get the ingredients?” She asked brightly. 

James looked at her a little strangely. “Eh, sure,” he said, fishing his wand out of his pocket to get the fire started. 

“Great!” Lily hopped up to walk over to the storeroom. Suniska, who was doodling on a scrap of parchment while her Ravenclaw partner was frantically cutting up a root vegetable, shot her a thumbs up. Lily took a breath and gave what she hoped was a convincing smile. She was determined to get through this lesson.

She returned laden with multiple jars and packets. James had set up the flame underneath the cauldron and was perusing the instructions in the textbook. 

“It says here to boil the bouncing spider juice first. While it’s heating up we need to crush the dragon’s claw and then add it.” His finger ran down the list. “Oh also we need to chop the horseradish and put it in too. Then just some stirring… then the mint and the moonseed - they need chopped and crushed too - then the salamander blood. Weird stirring throughout all of this,” he commented, “and ages for stewing time. Last thing to add is whole starthistles? But we need to fish them in and out for about an hour…” he trailed off.

Lily had arranged all of the ingredients in front of them. She reached for the vial of bouncing spider juice. 

“I’ll pop this in and start stirring it if you want to get to crushing the dragon’s claw?”

James nodded. They set to work.

There was definitely a reason why the Scintillating Solution was classed as an advanced potion. It required constant stirring and attention, even when it was set to stew. To her surprise, however, Lily and James worked very effectively as a team. James said he found the physical labour of all the fine crushing and cutting, which she usually found very tedious, quite satisfying. For her part, Lily enjoyed watching the potion shimmer and change while she stirred it. James admitted that he and Sirius could never maintain the concentration to count the stirring for the entirety of the lesson - they usually did an approximation and hoped for the best. 

Suniska, who had lucked out and found someone who actually wanted to do all of the work by themselves for fear of her messing it up, looked shocked when she peeked over to check on the duo’s progress. They were actually laughing together, Lily’s clear voice pealing out like a bell through the classroom. 

The cause of this was Sirius and Snape. They had been bickering continually since they had been put together. Snape looked highly stressed as Sirius seemed to be doing his utmost to sabotage their potion. At a quiet point in the lesson, Lily and James heard Snape hiss, “Honestly, Black, it’s like you’re trying to fail us both!” 

Sirius’ reply had drawled back, in that uniquely Sirius way, “Well, precisely, my dear Snivellus.”

Lily and James had looked at each other. James had seemed a little uncertain, but Lily had laughed. After a moment’s hesitation, James had joined in too, and it was at that moment that Suniska had looked over. 

“Look, Potter,” Lily said once their laughter had subsided. She was still standing, fixedly stirring the potion, but now all the ingredients had been added, James’ only job was to take out a starthistle every twentieth counter-clockwise stir. “I want to actually say sorry. And do it properly, not the completely half-arsed attempt I made the other week.”

James was quiet and looked surprised.

“I’ve done a fair bit of thinking about this, and I’ve realised how completely unfair I’ve been. You were a complete toerag in the past-”

James opened his mouth in indignation.

“Sorry, sorry!” Lily scrunched up her face, frustrated. “That’s not what I meant to say,” she added quickly. “What I mean is there have been a lot of times where you absolutely drove me insane. And neither of us can change that. But what I’ve realised is I can’t keep on holding that against you forever.” She looked at James, who looked up at her, waiting. She swallowed nervously. “So what I wanted to say, was, I am really sorry for all the mean things I’ve said to you since the start of term and I’m sorry about saying that you were like Snape. And I’m not saying this just because I want us to get on because of Head Boy and Head Girl, but because I was wrong. And I’m admitting that now.”

James raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow, Evans, you really have been doing a lot of soul searching.”

Lily sighed, “Come on, Potter, I’m really trying-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said hastily. He took a deep breath. “You know, Evans, I’m sorry too. Some of the stuff I’ve said to you - like before we saw Dumbledore? - really hasn’t been nice. I shouldn’t be making fun of you for not having been called to the Headmaster - you were completely right, that is a good thing! And what you’d expect from the Head Boy or Girl!”

He paused. Lily waited nervously. 

“I’m happy to put all of the crap we’ve said behind us if you are,” he said eventually. “ I  _ was _ an immature little git and if you can find it in yourself to forget about it, then I suppose,” he jokingly dragged his sentence, “I can forget about you saying I was like Snape. Friends?” He stuck out his hand.

Lily eyed his hand and hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be friends with James.

He shook his head. “Friendly acquaintances?” He offered again.

Lily smiled, and shook his extended hand. She felt relieved.

“Now,” James said, rubbing his hands together. “What’s left for the potion?”

“In a few more stirs it’ll be done,” Lily said. “But I want to add some octopus powder just as a finishing touch. It’s not in the textbook, but I think it’ll make the potion a bit more effective.”

“Well, you’re the potions maestro, whatever you say.”

Lily tutted. “Hardly,” she said.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” James said, leaning back on his seat, “I know that-”

A huge explosion echoed through the classroom. Annabelle Clearwater, Suniska’s partner, let out a piercing scream. Black smoke spilled ominously from the cauldron at Sirius and Snape’s desk. Lily and James looked at each other with wide eyes.

Snape was already apoplectic with rage, ranting about Sirius’ interference. Slughorn went to investigate what had happened and he immediately launched into his explanation of what had gone wrong. Lily, however, was focused on their potion. She sprinkled in some octopus powder and watched as their turquoise solution gained a shimmering iridescent gleam.

James sucked in his breath. “Wow, that looks amazing.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it.” This was why she loved Potions. She collected a bottle of it and set in at the end of their bench. 

“I think this will be the best mark in Potions I’ve ever had,” James said.

“Well, you’ll definitely do better than whatever Sirius gets,” an amused voice interjected. Remus had abandoned his partner to drift over and get a better view of the carnage surrounding Sirius’ bench. 

“You see Moony, I’ve told you this before, Sirius needs a specific type of guidance to get through a Potions lesson without destroying anything.”

“And what, you’re the only one who can do that?” Lily asked with raised eyebrows.

James nodded earnestly.

“Surely Remus would be the best partner for Sirius..?” Lily asked, slightly confused and looking to Remus for confirmation.

James snorted. “Nah, Moony couldn’t say no to all of his ridiculous ideas. He needs a strong figure of authority - me - to keep him on the right path.”

Lily laughed and shook her head.

“It’s true, Lily,” Remus said. “James is immune to all of Sirius’ stupid ideas because he’s stupid as well. But I love him, so I can’t say no.”

Lily tried to stop the surprise she felt at Remus saying he loved Sirius show on her face.

Remus chuckled. “It’s okay, Lily, you can look surprised. I don’t think people realise how long Sirius and I were together before we told anyone about it - even James and Peter.”

“Really?” Lily said before she could stop herself. “No, I mean,” she tacked on, feeling flustered, “of course, it’s totally up to you when you told people, or if you even wanted to tell anyone at all-”

“Honestly, Lily, it’s all right.” Remus gave her a reassuring smile. “And now, I better go off and rescue my boyfriend before he kills Snape - or Snape kills him.”

Remus strolled over to where Slughorn was roundly telling off both boys, expressing particular disappointment in Snape whose eyes were fixed on Sirius, and whose hand kept twitching to his wand.

“Does it bother you?” 

“What?” James looked startled.

“Remus and Sirius being together. I don’t mean in a homophobic way,” Lily hastily explained, “I would hope you aren’t homophobic and if you are I may have to rethink our new acquaintanceship, but, how do you feel about them being together? I know I would find it strange if two of my friends started dating.”

James shrugged his shoulders. “It’s making them happy. To be honest they both need that. And it doesn’t really affect ‘the marauders’,” he made air quotes, “at all. The only difference is me and Pete need to cast a silencio on their bed sometimes.”

“Ah,” Lily said laughing. “I wish you hadn’t told me that.”

“I know,” James said, smirking. “But I have to deal with it and so should you, as the Head Girl.”

“Oh, of course,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “I forgot it was one of my responsibilities to hear about all the things that go on in the boys’ dorms.”

“Well, maybe not all of them,” James mused. “But at least some of them. And now I think it’s my responsibility to go and retrieve Sirius - it doesn’t look like Remus is having much effect."

James strode over and began to try and placate Slughorn. Lily packed up her things, making sure that their potion bottle clearly displayed their names, and walked over to the door, where Suniska and Esther were waiting for her.

As she approached, Suniska said loudly, “Honestly, Esther, I tell her to stop bullying James Potter and I turn around and she’s giggling at every second word she says.”

Lily made a face. “Oh, shut up. I thought you’d be pleased at my efforts. We are now officially not fighting.”

“How splendid,” Suniska said, linking her arm with Lily’s as they walked along the corridor, passing Peter Pettigrew who was waiting outside the classroom. “I am glad to hear my intervention was so successful. Though I don’t think we’ll be kept in those pairings for another lesson after what Black got up to. A shame really, Clearwater didn’t even ask me to do anything - unlike you!”

Lily rolled her eyes. “You’ll be pleased we won’t be in those pairs, Esther.” She mock shivered and said, “Leila Shafiq, I wouldn’t want to work with her!”

Esther giggled. “You know, she actually wasn’t that bad. I think she just has a scary resting face and doesn’t speak so we all think she’s really mean. But she was complaining about Snape and Rosier just as much as we all do.”

“What? No way!” Suniska exclaimed.

“Yep,” Esther said, her brown curls nodding sagely. “She said their common room was like living with a bunch of trolls.”

“Merlin, there you go!” Suniska said, shaking her head in disbelief. “I guess the Sorting Hat was sort of right after all, you know about the whole house unity thing.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Esther said, her eyes wide. “She’s still terrifying. Like she could just snap her slim little fingers and everything would explode or something.”

“She doesn’t need to bother,” Lily said dryly. “She just needs to make sure Sirius and Snape are put together.”

The girls laughed as they began to walk up the stairs to take them out of the dungeons and to the Great Hall. Even then they could still hear Slughorn berating Sirius and Snape for their irresponsible behaviour. 

“Poor marauders,” Esther said. “They’re going to miss lunch if Slughorn keeps on going on like that and they wait for him.”

“Oh well.” Lily sounded unconcerned. 

“Ah, I knew you were the same old Lily,” Suniska said, wagging her finger. “Being nice to Potter for a lesson couldn’t make you give a damn about him, or his friends.”

“No. Definitely not.”


	10. Muggleborns Murdered

Lily’s butter knife dropped to the table with a clatter. It was Saturday morning and she was sitting down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. The enchanted ceiling was grey and cloudy, and the owls had just flown in for the morning post. A plain brown owl had dropped a copy of that day’s  _ Daily Prophet _ in front of Lily and had waited impatiently for its payment. She had absent mindedly dropped a few knuts in its leather pouch and had continued to prepare her breakfast. It was only after she had finished buttering her toast when the headline of the paper caught her eye. 

**_MUGGLEBORNS MURDERED AT MIDNIGHT_ **

_ VIOLENT ATTACKS ACROSS BRITAIN: FIVE KILLED _

Her knife seemed to fall in slow motion. Her breathing stopped. The blood drained from her face. Her heart dropped and settled awkwardly in her stomach, threatening a displacement and return of last night’s dinner.

“Lily?” Marlene looked across the table with concern. “Lily? Is everything alright?”

Lily wordlessly pushed the newspaper over to her. 

Marlene’s blue eyes widened as they raced to take in the information.“Oh, Merlin,” Marlene gasped. “Is it, is it anyone we know?”

Lily shrugged. Her eyes felt stuck on the space where the words had lain on the table.

Marlene skimmed through the article, her eyes moving frantically. A low murmur had begun to spread through the hall as more and more people received the  _ Prophet _ and saw the news. A boy at the Ravenclaw table let out an anguished wail. Lily could see Marlene’s lips moving telling her that it wasn’t anyone they knew, that she recognised one of the last names and thought it might be one of a Ravenclaw chaser’s parents, that a pureblood wizard had been tortured using an Unforgivable Curse and that  _ was _ someone Marlene knew because they went to their river house every summer, that the Ministry didn’t know who had committed the attacks and-

“Marlene. Marlene, just, just stop.” 

Marlene paused in her breathless summary of what the  _ Daily Prophet  _ had reported. 

“Do you not want to hear what they think happened? Who might have done it?” She asked uncertainly.

“Don’t we already know?” Lily rested her head wearily in her hands. Her mind had been racing ever since she had seen the headline.

Marlene looked perplexed.

“The  _ death eaters _ , Marls. There’s been talk about them doing something like, like  _ this _ all summer.”

Marlene had flinched at Lily’s use of the term. “Yeah, I know, but I don’t… I didn’t think that they would actually do anything.”

“They already have been. Attacking muggleborn-owned businesses - remember they hexed the guy that runs the owl emporium? Putting up their posters in Diagon Alley, making their speeches in the Ministry.”

“Yeah, but this is hugely different to that - they’re just a political group. Obviously one I completely disagree with, but I’m not sure they’d actually do something like this.”

Lily shrugged again. “It’s just the next step. Can’t you see, Marlene? It’s not just words, they really believe in all of it, they want to follow through with it. They say I don’t,” Lily’s voice rose in pitch, and cracked slightly, “I don’t belong. That people like me don’t deserve to be here.”

“Lily, you know that’s not true!” Marlene’s eyebrows raised in protest. “You are just as deserving and worthy to be here as I am!”

Lily’s throat felt sore. “Well, we both know that’s what they think. And now we know the lengths they are willing to go to in order to, to eradicate everyone like me.” She pushed her uneaten breakfast away from her. “I’m going back up to the dorm. Suniska and Mary will want to know about this.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, and Esther too.” Marlene said, quickly packing her stuff away.

Lily paused. “No, not Esther too. Well, obviously she’ll want to know about it, but it’s not the same.”

Marlene had a returning look of confusion on her face. “How do you mean?”

Lily sighed. “Marlene, Mary and I are muggleborns. Suniska’s mum is a muggleborn. There are people,” she picked up the paper and waved it, “who want to murder us! Just for existing! Just for going to this school! And the Ministry is too scared to even say what we all know - that the people perpetrating these kinds of attacks are high-ranking purebloods with lots of money. Of course, Esther will want to know. But I hope you can understand how it doesn’t really represent the same existential threat to her life that it does to us.”

Lily began to march away. Marlene hustled after her on the other side of the table.

“Lily! Lily, wait. It feels like you’re annoyed with me.”

“Lily, are you okay?’ A masculine voice called. Lily and Marlene stopped. It was Matthew Abbott who had half risen from the Hufflepuff table as he saw her rush past. 

“Oh, yes, yes, I’m fine, thanks.”

“Are you sure? You seem upset. And I… I’ve seen the news. It wasn’t your family was it?” He said quietly.

Lily took a deep breath. “No. No it wasn’t. Because you see, my family are just plain old muggles,” she spat. “And they’re not worth it to these people. No, no, it’s only the dirty little muggles that have been bold enough to infiltrate Hogwarts that they care about.”

Matthew hesitated. “Well, you know I don’t think you’re a dirty little muggle, Lily.”

Lily considered him for a moment. “Unbelievable,” she muttered, and continued on her way out of the hall. 

Her journey was not uninterrupted for long. Marlene was still desperately trying to engage her in conversation, although she had left Matthew stranded alone at the Hufflepuff table. McGonagall was standing solemnly at the entrance to the Great Hall.

“Miss Evans. If I might have a word.”

Lily looked to Marlene. She sighed and took the newspaper from Lily, folding it under her arm. “Look, I’ll go up to the dorm with this and tell Suniska and Mary. You can come and find us later.”

Lily nodded. Marlene squeezed her arm and left, athletically vaulting up the stairs, neatly dodging the slow movers who blocked her way. 

McGonagall seemed to be scanning the grand, sweeping staircase for someone. It was gradually becoming more busy as people made their way down to the Great Hall for a relaxed Saturday brunch. Her narrowed eyes seized upon a tall seventh year with messy hair and glasses who was clattering down the stairs with a friend. He was chatting to a plump boy with sandy hair, who was trotting alongside him to keep up. His hands were enthusiastically waving around as he explained something.

“Mr Potter!” McGonagall called from the foot of the stairs where she was standing with Lily. Lily had been feeling slightly nauseous, standing there with McGonagall without knowing the reason. Even though she had felt confident saying to Matthew Abbott that her family hadn’t been affected by the attacks, a meeting with her Head of House seemed to have spoken otherwise. She had begun to wonder if it was possible that muggles had been killed but the  _ Prophet  _ hadn’t bothered to report it. The presence of James, however, surely suggested that the discussion was related to Head matters. A safe topic, considering the circumstances. 

James made his way over to them. Peter Pettigrew stood alone for a moment, his gaze following James wistfully, before he continued into the Great Hall. 

“Morning, Professor, Evans,” he said cheerfully.

Lily didn’t respond. 

McGonagall looked hesitant. “Good morning, Mr Potter. Please come with me - we have some important things to discuss in my office.”

In an eerie repetition of their first night at Hogwarts, James and Lily found themselves following along behind her in silence. 

James whispered to Lily, “Hey, Evans, what’s up? You seem quiet.”

Lily forced her eyes to look up from the floor and face him. “I…” She saw his questioning face and wasn’t sure what to say. She sighed. “There’s been an attack against muggleborns. Five people have died.”

“What?! When did you hear about this?”

“Just this morning. It was in the  _ Prophet. _ ” 

James looked appalled. “Oh, Evans, that’s absolutely awful, I’m so sorry. We’ll - the Ministry’ll get them, the scumbags that did it.”

“Will they?” Lily asked. “The article said that the Ministry didn’t know who did it, even though that’s obviously not-”

“But that’s a lie!” James cried passionately. “We both know it was those sick people that go around calling themselves death eaters - they’ve been threatening to do something like this all summer!”

Lily was shocked. She had paid very close attention to any press coverage of the rallies and riots surrounding the blood purity movement, but she hadn’t expected that James would have done the same. He ran his hands through his hair in agitation. “I hope Sirius hasn’t found out yet,” he said. “He’ll blame himself - you know what his family’s like - and he’ll probably try to kill Regulus or something. But Remus’ll be there,” he reasoned to himself. “Agh, I can’t believe those cowards at the Ministry and the  _ Prophet  _ aren’t going to say who did it! I need to write to Dad about this-”

As James ranted on, Lily got the impression that he wasn’t really talking to her anymore, and, indeed, when they reached McGonagall’s office he looked round in surprise. 

They sat down in two rickety wooden chairs in front of McGonagall’s desk. Weak light shone through the window, and it was cold. The room was sparse - the shelves were filled with heavy looking Transfiguration books and not much else. She folded her hands together and placed them on the desk.

“I hope that I am not the one who has to break this news to you,” she started.

“We know about the attacks, Professor,” James interrupted. “What do you need us to do?”

McGonagall pursed her lips. “I have called you in here to discuss a matter with you both in your roles as student representatives. Professor Dumbledore has been called away on urgent business-”

“Urgent business?” James shifted forward in his seat. “To do with the attacks?” He looked over at Lily and said confidingly, “If Dumbledore’s there, he’ll sort this all out - he’ll get them to say it was the death eaters-”

“Mr Potter!” McGonagall said sternly. “I am not at liberty to speculate on Professor Dumbledore’s whereabouts. All that you need to know is that he is not here.”

James nodded reluctantly. Lily didn’t know what to think. She hoped that James was right about Dumbledore getting involved. 

“What I want to talk to you about is a matter of a rather more prosaic nature: this afternoon’s quidditch match. Mr Potter, I know you are the captain of the team and as such, will want the game to go on. But we must consider if this is the best course of action to take after such an atrocity. A pupil’s father was killed - I do not know if it is appropriate to have such an event so soon after we have heard this news. I am willing to hear your thoughts regarding this.” McGonagall looked at them expectantly. 

“I think the game has to go on, Professor,” Lily said boldly into the silence. James looked at her with surprise.

McGonagall seemed slightly taken aback as well. “Why do you think it should, Miss Evans?”

Lily swallowed nervously. “Well, the people who’ve done this - those murderers - they want us to change who we are, to change the way we live. We can’t let that happen, we can’t let them win. In the Gryffindor team alone we have, what, at least one muggleborn, and two halfbloods?” 

James nodded in confirmation.

“If we cancel the game,” Lily continued. “We’re saying to all of the muggleborns and halfbloods at Hogwarts that because of horrible prejudiced people, they can’t play and watch the game they love. We need to show them that we’re not scared. That we’re not going to change our lives because of their violence and terror.”

“I must say, Miss Evans, that I am inclined to agree with you. However, I would like unanimity from my Head team before we come to a decision. Mr Potter?”

James rubbed in his chin in thought. He took a breath. “Obviously, as captain I want the game to go on. But I’ll admit that as soon as I heard about the attacks I was hesitant about playing this afternoon. But…” he paused. “Evans, after hearing you speak… you’re right. If we start cancelling things left, right and centre we’re telling them that they’ve won. We play.”

McGonagall gave a firm nod. “Very well. I will notify Professor Slughorn and Madam Hooch. You may go.”

Lily and James stood up. They were heading out the door when McGonagall said, “And Potter?”

“Yes, Professor?”

“I expect a win.”

James’ mouth curved in a wry smile and he nodded. “You can count on it.”


	11. Against the Slytherins

The young quidditch referee, Madam Hooch, crouched over the shaking box. 

“I don’t want to see any rule-breaking out there!” She called to the assembled hovering teams. James and Antoine Lestrange, the Slytherin quidditch captain, nodded grimly. She opened the box and picked up the quaffle. Whistle hanging halfway out her mouth, she blew it sharply and flung it into the air. As she did so, she waved her wand to release the snitch and the two bludgers. The match had begun. James’ jaw was set grimly and he shot up to assume his customary position; flying in an oval above the rest of the game, so he could monitor his team’s attack and defense, and look out for the snitch. 

Once McGonagall had concluded her meeting with them, James had barely said goodbye to Lily. He had rushed off to have his breakfast and then assemble the rest of the team for their pre-match meeting and drills.

Lily had therefore made her solitary way up to her dorm in the hopes of finding Suniska and Mary. She had arrived to find Marlene already gone on her way to the pitch, but the rest of the girls were huddled together on Suniska’s bed. Mary had immediately got up to embrace her and Lily had felt a little piece of herself relax. She knew that she wouldn’t have to explain herself to Mary. She had let her body wrap comfortably around her and she had let herself cry. 

Tears had dropped from Lily’s face onto Mary’s mass of curls and Lily had felt Mary shaking beneath her too. Her initial rush of shock and anger and outrage had subsided, leaving a cool film of fear over her mind. And Lily hated feeling scared. She hated looking into the future and not knowing what was to come; not knowing if she, or Mary, or Suniska’s mum would be targeted next. 

She had clambered into the four poster. There was solace to be found there. Hair could be stroked and laments could be heard. At lunchtime, Esther had slipped away to the Great Hall and brought back some sandwiches. She had encountered Marlene, who wanted to know if they would be going to the match.

Lily had sniffed a little, and raised her head and looked at the others. She steeled herself slightly, and tried to remember the strong righteous Lily that had been in McGonagall’s office.

“We have to go, guys,” she had said. “Marlene’s trained so hard.”

Mary had bitten her lip. “I just don’t know if I can go out there and speak to everyone,” she had whispered. “I just feel… so afraid.”

Esther had stood uncertainly by the bed. Suniska had swung her legs out of it and joined her at the foot of it.

“Do it for them, MacDonald,” she had said boldly. “We can’t spend the rest of our lives feeling sorry for ourselves.”

“Watching a quidditch match is hardly going to bring down the death eaters,” Mary had said sulkily.

“We’ve got to start somewhere, Mary.” Lily and Suniska had looked up in surprise. It was quiet Esther who was now petitioning Mary. Kind, quiet Esther who usually went along with anything her loud and vivacious best friend said.

Mary had eventually acquiesced and changed out of her pyjamas and did her makeup in Gryffindor colours; red and gold. They had left the dormitory walking united, and strong. They strode through the castle in a strong line of four. Suniska had her arm looped with Lily’s and boldly manoeuvred their way to a front row seat in the stands. 

“Marlene has to see we’ve come to support her, after all,” she had said.

The four girls stood and cheered as the bludgers flew into the air, leaning forward against  the board that separated them from the steep drop towards the grass pitch. They were resplendent in their house colours; bedecked with scarves and hats and jumpers. Marlene swooped past them, giving them a delighted grin. 

Lily let the raucous atmosphere soak over her. There was a palpable tension in the air. It was known within the school that many of the blood purity movement’s sympathisers were found within Slytherin. Lily hoped it wasn’t because ambition and cunning predisposed you to prejudice - the future of wizarding politics seemed rather dismal if that were the case - but because of the high proportion of pureblood families within that house. The entirety of the Slytherin quidditch team was pureblood, and the vast majority claimed membership of the ‘Sacred 28’, a list of the most eminent pureblood families in Britain. 

Over the past ten years, according to Marlene (who in turn had heard this from her mum) there had been a marked increase in blood prejudice. Of course, there had always been some families that prided themselves on being ‘pure’ - Sirius Black’s family were one example. And occasionally this manifested itself in a greater way; Lily had learnt about Gellert Grindelwald’s reign of terror in History of Magic. But, for the most part, halfbloods and muggleborns were able to live life in relative security, an object of fascination more than anything else. 

All of that had changed. There had been no spark; no key moment that anyone could point to. But anyone could now clearly see and say that it was not easy to have muggle parentage in the wizarding world. It went beyond name calling or snide remarks. Among some, it was an accepted truth that muggleborns just couldn’t be as able, as clever, or as creative magically as someone with ‘pure’ blood. This manifested itself in an increased difficulty to get high marks in examinations that weren’t blindly marked, an increased difficulty to get high ranking and well paying jobs, and an increased difficulty to be generally respected and welcomed in a world that was notoriously secretive. Over the summer, attacks became more physical as the blood purists organised themselves; rallies where muggle owned businesses’ windows would be smashed and their contents set on fire. And, as of today, a mortal target painted on their backs. 

A movement had been created behind closed doors. Their leader was a shadowy figure with no name; Lily guessed that they were a member of one of the old pureblood families, but there was no way to know for sure. What she did know was that their followers called themselves ‘death eaters’ - an unnamed source had said so in the  _ Prophet  _ the previous year. Lily had shivered when she heard the name. A group of people that wanted her dead… although they may not have had the confidence to make their opinions publicly known; when they were on their marches they wore black robes and gleaming silver masks, they did have the confidence to presume that they could consume the very process of ending life itself. 

The game whirled around her. Gryffindor was up 40-10. Marlene had just scored and Lily felt her hands clapping mechanically in response. Lestrange spat down to the ground in disgust. 

“Come on, Prongs!” Lily heard someone shout behind her. “D’you need new glasses?” 

That could only be Sirius Black. He had used to play as a beater in the team, but had stopped at the end of fifth year, for some reason. The hanging up of his quidditch gloves hadn’t stopped him offering his own commentary. 

The commentator’s voice boomed over the crowd. Slytherin had been awarded a penalty after Ludo Bagman, one of the Gryffindor chasers, had rammed into Regulus Black, the Slytherin seeker. Marianne Flint flew up to face the Gryffindor keeper. She scored. 40-20 Gryffindor. 

Mary clapped her hands and rubbed them together. “Come on Gryffindor!” She hollered.

Lily looked up, trying to spot James. She had spent most of the match following Marlene, but it made her feel a bit dizzy watching her spiral and twist and turn, all the while throwing and catching the quaffle. His smooth soaring was much more to her taste. Or at least it usually was. As she watched, he suddenly shot down towards the centre of the pitch. Black swiftly followed him trying to keep up. A hush spread over the ground as the crowd watched the chase. The remaining players continued to bat around the bludgers and pass the quaffle, but all eyes were on James. He was making rapid progress towards the grass with no signs of pulling up. Lily squinted trying to see the snitch beneath him. 

“Oh, Merlin,” Esther said with her hands around her eyes. “I don’t think I can watch. Tell me when it’s over.”

James was practically vertical now, and his arm was outstretched in front of him. His fingers looked like they were desperately grasping and just as Lily was about to join Esther and squeeze her eyes shut as well, he pulled up. 

“Has he got it?” Sunsika cried.

Lily leaned dangerously far over the barrier, trying to see. He was holding his hand over his heart and was slouched breathing heavily over his broomstick. He looked up, and saw the mass of Gryffindors. He thrust his hand into the air, holding the golden snitch between the tip of his fingers. The crowd erupted. 

Lily could barely hear the commentator informing the stadium that the final score was Gryffindor 190 - Slytherin 20. The Gryffindor section of the stands was a mass of celebration, of cheering, whooping and jumping up and down. The Slytherin team were skulking off to their changing rooms, but the opposing side stayed on the pitch, James at the centre of their mass embrace.

Lily was trying to catch Marlene’s eye, to show her that they had all come to see and that they were so proud of her. She waved her hand widely at the team hoping that Marlene would see it. Her blonde ponytail was bobbing as she laughed and chatted with her teammates. However, James’ keen eyes spotted her first. He gave her a broad grin and raised his hand. Lily flushed. She smiled back.

-

In the common room, there was a more subdued atmosphere than might have been expected. The euphoria of the win, of their triumph over Slytherin, faded slightly when they returned to normality. Lily had felt something heavy settle into her heart when she had walked through the portrait hole and seen the familiar  _ Muggleborns Murdered  _ headline lying on one of the sofas. What would usually have been a wild after party felt a little flat. 

There was an attempt to make it a celebration. Someone had taken their record player down from their room and put on  _ Queen _ . The first few bars of  _ We Are The Champions  _ tinkled over Lily as she sat quietly with Suniska. As Freddie Mercury sang about keeping on fighting to the end, the Gryffindors were talking amongst themselves, waiting for the team to return. It felt as though once they had left the environment of the stadium, where the fight against blood purists and prejudice could be seen through the prism of quidditch, the real world had come crashing in. 

James was first back out of the team. He stood in front of them all, as the remaining players filed in behind him, and looked at his housemates. He flicked his wand to turn off the now looping song.

Some applause began to trickle out, but James waved it off. He stowed his wand in his pocket, and appeared to be deep in thought.

“So,” he said after a pause. “We won today. But I know it’s not the victory we all would have wanted. We got some awful news this morning, and our win doesn’t change that. However,” he took a deep breath, “there are some things that I would like to say. Not as your Head Boy, or quidditch captain, or anything, but just as someone who is a Gryffindor and has always been proud to be one.

"As we saw this morning, there are some  _ evil _ people who live among us, and I don’t use that word lightly. People that want to kill - no, they don’t kill, they want to  _ murder _ our friends and their families and our classmates and just ordinary witches and wizards who are living their lives the same as anybody else - and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what we can do. But I know that we have to stand strong and stand together against these people, these ‘death eaters’. 

"I’m not sure if you all know, but there was a chance our game wouldn’t happen today. McGonagall was worried it would be insensitive or that people wouldn’t want to go. But do you know what we said to her? What Lily Evans said to her?” James corrected. “She said that we had to show the blood purists out there that we’re not scared. That we’re not going to change the way we live and stop doing the things we love because of a terrorist group that hates what we stand for. 

"Because what does Gryffindor stand for? We stand for bravery, of course. Bravery in the face of this fight. But also loyalty. Loyalty to each other, no matter our heritage, and loyalty to the values of fairness and decency. I have always been proud to be a Gryffindor.” He paused and looked at everyone sitting staring at him. “But being able to go out and play for our house on that pitch today, knowing that we all are standing together against hatred, made me the proudest I have ever been. Gryffindor!” James roared, holding his fist above his head.

Chants of ‘Gryffindor’ resounded through the common room, soon descending into cheers and applause. Lily still sat quietly with her hands folded in her lap. She felt a bit stunned. She hadn’t expected James to come out with such a strong defence of muggleborns. She looked at him. He looked back at her and tilted his head to the side.  _ Alright?  _ She nodded her head slightly.  _ Alright. _


	12. Halloween

They were sitting in first period Charms. It was a Monday. It was Halloween. Sirius Black was standing in front of them, having been sent by Professor Flitwick to retrieve the key that he’d sent fluttering over to their side of the classroom. He was now swirling said key round his finger and engaging in some light conversation.

Lily was trying not to pay attention. She was attempting to master a complicated charm that allowed you to manipulate the outward appearance of metals. It was almost a hybrid of Charms and Transfiguration. She scrunched her forehead in concentration and lifted her wand to try again. 

“Aurmutatellum!” She cast. Her key wobbled a little, but remained a frustratingly dull iron grey.

“What are you trying to do there, Evans?” Sirius asked. At the start of the lesson, Professor Flitwick had presented them all with an identical iron key. The task was to find a charm that would work on the key (iron being a magically resistant metal) and then present to the rest of the class at the start of next lesson. 

“I’m trying to change the colour of the key,” she said, red with effort. “So it looks like gold, or something more expensive.”

“Surely that’s Transfiguration?” He asked, a neat eyebrow raised.

“Well, yes, sort of, but the actual key remains iron. It just  _ looks  _ different to us.”

“Ah, I see.” Sirius seemed quite lost in thought for a moment. His grey eyes were focused on Lily’s quivering key. “Anyway,” he said, snapping back to his prior relaxed manner. “Wanted to tell you lot about something.”

“What?” Mary asked, who was sitting with her chin propped on her hand as she watched her key dance across the table top. 

Sirius cleared his throat. “Well, as you may be aware, this fine day is All Hallow’s Eve.”

“We are aware, Black,” Suniska said.

“And we-”

“We?” Lily asked.

“The Marauders, obviously,” Sirius said, with an expansive sweep of his hands. “We have decided that we could all do with some cheering up.”

“In what way..?” Lily asked cautiously.

“With a party, of course.” Sirius said it like it was the most self-evident thing in the world. “After the feast, in the common room. After the little ones have gone to bed, obviously.”

“A party!” Mary said delightedly. 

“A party.” Sirius confirmed.

“I can’t believe Potter is letting you plan this,” Lily grumbled. “It’s completely irresponsible.”

Sirius leaned against the table so his face was uncomfortably close to Lily’s. She could smell his cologne and a faint whiff of cigarette smoke. “And why would that be, Evans?”

“Well, it’s not allowed! And it’s a Monday; a school night!”

He smirked. “It’s only not allowed if you get caught, Evans.” 

“That’s not right,” Lily mumbled.

“And,” Sirius continued, “how do you know Prongs is letting me plan this? For all you know he’s raised the exact same objections as you.”

“Has-has he?” Lily asked, surprised.

“No,” Sirius admitted glibly. “But that’s because he thinks it’s more important to have a little light in your life than just be obsessed with following the rules.”

“I’m not obsessed with following the rules!” 

Sirius sighed. He glanced around and saw Professor Flitwick making his way to their corner of the room. “Best be off,” he said. He stopped the swing of his key and clenched it in his fist. “Be there, or be square.” He wandered away and rejoined the Marauders’ table. James immediately leaned over and asked him something urgently, but Lily couldn’t quite hear what he asked, or Sirius’ reply.

Lily tutted. “He can’t be serious - don’t say it, Suniska!” She added when her friend showed all the signs of completing that familiar joke.

“I hope he is!” Mary said excitedly. “A party would be so much fun!”

“We all have double Transfiguration first thing tomorrow,” Lily reminded her. “I don’t want to be doing that hungover.”

“Who said anything about drinking?” Marlene reasoned. “It’ll be  _ fun, _ Lily.” 

“Yeah! Everyone’s been so down since we heard about the, about the attacks,” Mary swallowed uncomfortably before moving on, “and I think it’s so nice of the Marauders to be thinking of everyone and trying to cheer us all up a bit.”

Lily scoffed. “You really think that they’re doing this out of the goodness of their hearts? They just want an excuse to get really drunk and trash the common room.”

Suniska shrugged, haven given up on charming her key to giggle. “And?” She asked. “ _ I _ want an excuse to get really drunk and trash the common room. It’s my birthday on Thursday and I’ve been going out of my mind the past few weeks; I never thought I’d be waking up each morning and waiting to see if an owl is going to bring the news that my own mother has died!”

There was a silence amongst the group of friends. Marlene put her arm around Suniska who was staring at her silent key, shocked at her own outburst.

She sighed. “All I’m saying, Lily, is that I think some of us would actually appreciate the chance to forget about it all for a while.”

“No, I know…” Lily trailed off, feeling bad about reminding Suniska of her anxieties over her mum. The Ministry had sent leaflets to all wizarding households with information about how to ward their homes effectively, but Suniska had doubts about the efficacy of wards that were so widely known to be in use. 

“Oh, come on, Lily!” Mary said impatiently. It was well known that the sociable girl was rarely happier than when she had the chance to party the night away. 

Lily sighed. “Well, alright then. But I swear if there’s any moaning tomorrow, you can’t say I didn’t warn you!”

Marlene chuckled. “Okay. Deal. Should we go and tell Black?”

Mary crinkled her nose. “Nah. Let’s leave them in suspense until tonight, it’s more fun that way,” she said with a conspiratorial look in her eyes. “Ooh, I can’t wait to tell Esther!” She added. “She’ll be so excited!”

“Surely anything will seem exciting to her when she’s just come from History of Magic?” Marlene asked. Esther had been the only one of their number to continue with that mind numbing subject past NEWT, and as a result had not been able to fit Charms into her timetable. 

Mary gave a noncommittal movement of her shoulders. “I dunno, she seems to like it at least. I don’t even know who else is in her class! That Shafiq Slytherin girl is, I think, and, ooh, Matthew Abbott,” she said to Lily, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Lily said.

“Wonder if anyone will ask him to the party, Lils,” Suniksa said. 

Lily glared at her giggling friends. “I said, shut up!”

-

“Oh, wow, Prongs, this looks incredible.”

That was what Lily overheard Remus say to James as they entered the Great Hall for the Halloween Feast. The hall was lit with floating pumpkins in place of the usual candles and everything was draped in sparkling silver cobwebs. She narrowed her eyes, waiting for his response. They had spent an hour after lunch decorating the hall. Lily had been in charge, as she had a bit more of a vision for the place due to her years of thinking about how she would decorate it if she were Head Girl, and she was quicker on the necessary charms. They had spent their hour mostly in silence as they concentrated on decorating the massive space, although Lily had been intrigued to learn that James had remarkably picked a very similar charm for his key as her - only his made it look like it was wooden, rather than a different metal.

“Oh, thanks, Moony, but really it was mainly Evans. She’s got a much better eye for it.”

“Oh, right. Hey, Lily!” She heard Remus call her as they were taking their seats. She turned her head, trying to make it look like she hadn’t been listening to their conversation. 

“Yes?” 

Remus leant forward slightly to see down the table to Lily. “Just wanted to say, great job on the decorations. The place looks incredible.” 

“Thank you, Remus,” Lily said with a genuine smile. “I-” Her gaze moved to James, who was sitting next to Remus, one spot closer to her. “Potter was a big help,” she eventually said, the words forcing themselves out of her brain.

“Glad to hear it.” Remus responded, shooting a pleased smile to the boy on his left. 

The Halloween Feast went remarkably well. There was a contented hum of chatter that spread itself over the long tables heaving with food. Dumbledore had returned to the school a few days after the attack and he was cheerfully observing the festivities at the top table with McGonagall. The little first years that Lily and James had shepherded to Hagrid in September had already grown in confidence and were happily messing around with the glittering webs that bedecked the tables and benches. 

It was only noticeable that the older Gryffindor pupils were bouncing with anticipation for something special if you knew what to look for. The parties the Marauders hosted in Gryffindor Tower were legendary. They were somehow able to source firewhiskey and butterbeer that they then put on free for everyone else. In addition, they usually extended the invitation to members of other houses, but tonight’s celebration was to be a strictly Gryffindor affair. Lily half suspected that they saw it as a replacement for the solemn occasion that was their first quidditch win a few weeks before, but happily it meant that she wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of asking Matthew Abbott if he wanted to come, which she probably would have been pushed to do by Suniska and Mary if the option was available.

Waiting in the dormitory after they finished the tremendous meal, Lily and the girls started to get ready. 

“I can’t believe I’m sitting here doing my makeup when it’s 9pm on a Monday,” Lily moaned from her bed, holding an eyeshadow brush halfway to her eye.

“Isn’t it great!” Mary said chirpily as she examined her reflection in their full length mirror. “I’m so excited.” She smoothed her hands over her orange velvet playsuit. “Mm, I feel so strokable,” she added with a wiggle.

“Who do you want to stroke you, Mary?” Suniska asked sweetly. She lay on her back with her head tipped over the end of her bed, inspecting her nails.

Mary laughed. “A lady never tells.”

“Oh, I think this lady does.” Esther sat on the floor, reading through that day’s  _ Daily Prophet _ . “If anyone  _ strokes  _ you tonight Mary, I think we’ll hear about it soon enough.”

Marlene had returned from the bathroom. “How is it,” she asked indignantly, standing at the door and interrupting their giggles, “that wherever I go I hear about Mary’s, well, extracurricular activities?”

“Occupational hazard of sharing a room with her,” Lily said. 

“Oh, piss off, Evans,” Mary said cheerfully. “Don’t pretend you all don’t live vicariously through me. We don’t get enough about Campbell from Marlene for that to be anything interesting.”

“Hey!” Marlene said, giving her a gentle shove as she passed by on the way to her bed. “Just because I like a private life without everyone knowing my business!”

Mary pouted. “But that’s so boring,” she said, drawing the vowels out teasingly. 

Marlene shook her head. Lily had finished her makeup and began to tug her bell bottom jeans on.

“Jeans, Lily!” Mary cried in horror. “Have you  _ seen _ what I’m wearing?”

“Yes,” Lily said. “And you look lovely.” Mary did look lovely. The bright orange contrasted beautifully against her skin and made her dark eyes sparkle. “But I am morally opposed to this party, I can’t go wearing something that makes it look like I’ve put in a load of effort,” Lily explained with her eyes wide. “I’ll wear a nice top,” she reassured the unhappy girl, “Like maybe my white one with the puffy sleeves."

Mary nodded, feeling slightly mollified.

“And don’t worry,” Lily added. “I’m sure whoever you want to  _ stroke _ you tonight will be perfectly enchanted by your playsuit.”

At around 10:30, they heard some loud music begin to thump up to their dorm. 

Lily sighed and put down her hair brush. “I told them to put a silencing charm around the common room, or everyone will wake up and hear!” She said impatiently. She flung open the door and marched down the stairs to the common room, only to let out a gasp. The place had been absolutely transformed. 

James was standing in the centre of it, waving his wand and adding a few finishing touches. Glowing orbs of multi coloured light floated around the room, and a muggle disco ball hung down from the ceiling. A table had been set up with cups and bottles of firewhiskey and butterbeer. Streamers hung around the room, enchanted to slowly change colours. A song that Lily thought she recognised as  _ How Deep Is Your Love _ by the Bee Gees floated over the cosy red furniture that had been pushed to the sides of the room. 

“All right, Evans?” James said.

“Yes, yes,” Lily said distractedly. “I was just coming to ask you to put the silencing charms on.”

“Oh!” James’ hazel eyes opened wide. “The silencing charms! We completely forgot!” He hastily muttered something under his breath. “That should do it.”

“Good, good.” Lily said quietly. It was just them in the room. The smooth voices of the Gibb brothers pulsated through her. Where had the other Marauders got to? “Well, I’ll go and get the girls and let them know it’s all ready.”

“Cool,” James nodded his head. “I’ll, eh, go and get all the boys!”

“Right.”

“Right.”

“Potter?” Lily said before she could stop herself.

“Yes?” He said, turning back from the entrance to the staircase for the boys’ dormitories.

“This, um,” she gestured broadly to the room. “This all looks amazing.”

James grinned crookedly. “Well, I learnt from the best this afternoon.”

Lily stood somewhat awkwardly, staring as he retreated back up the stairs. She shook herself slightly. Behind her, she could hear what sounded like the fourth years excitedly coming down for their first common room party. She allowed herself a small smile. She remembered her first time. It had been back when Gideon and Fabian Prewett had run the mischief making show. Their love for a good time was only matched by Filch the janitor’s hatred for them. They had graduated a few years before and Merlin knew what they were up to now, but she did know that the Marauders had enthusiastically taken up their pranking and partying gauntlet. Even Lily recognised that when they left this year, whoever tried to be the next master rule breaker at Hogwarts would have big shoes to fill.

She went back up to her own dorm room to tell the others it was time to go down. She found them, unsurprisingly, in a state of some disorder. She sometimes thought that Mary was deliberately slow to get ready; Mary had a theory about the most opportune time to arrive at a party and it was definitely not to be the first there. Thus, it was another half hour before Mary could finally be convinced to head downstairs. They were suitably impressed and complimentary about the decorations and soon the five found themselves dispersed across the room. 

Marlene was talking to Campbell and his friends, two sixth years who also played in the quidditch team, which was where they had all met. Mary had convinced Esther to play in some complex muggle drinking game with her, which involved a pack of cards, each number of card having a specific rule, and a communal cup in the middle of their circle where all their drinks were eventually mixed together. Lily had a sneaking suspicion that the object of Mary’s affections - the one she wanted to  _ stroke  _ her - was a handsome sixth year boy she had sat down next to. Her thoughts would be confirmed later that night when they were back in the dorm and got a rundown of her evening’s antics.

Lily and Suniska were doing what they liked to do the most; dancing. They had convinced Remus (the man in charge of the music) to put on their favourite album -  _ Arrival  _ by ABBA. When the familiar piano trill of notes had announced  _ Dancing Queen _ they had screamed and ran to the centre of the room. So, was Lily having the time of her life? For all of her complaints about the suitability and appropriateness of having such an event, there was no denying that once she was there she enjoyed it. She loved the feeling of reckless abandon that a cup of firewhiskey and the muggle drink Coca Cola gave you. She loved the feeling of music pouring into her ears and into her soul. She loved the feeling of jumping and singing and dancing with one of her best friends and not having a care in the world.

Suniska and Lily sang until their throats hurt and their voices gave out, and even then they tried to keep on going. Despite Lily’s earlier protestations, they ended up partying until the early hours of the morning. Suniska had managed to drag herself up to their dorm but Lily had collapsed on one of the sofas.

She lay on her back, staring at the spheres of light that dotted the ceiling. She could hear someone moving things around but apart from that it was quiet. Whoever it was loudly crashed what sounded like all of the empty bottles in the entire room. 

She sat up and saw James standing with a huge mass of clustered bottles before him. He looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, Evans, I didn’t realise you were still here.”

“It’s fine,” Lily said hoarsely.

James chuckled. “You and Kumar were really going at it with the singing, weren’t you.”

Lily swallowed and tried to clear her throat. “Maybe. Has everyone gone up to bed?”

“Yeah, looks like it. Remus and Peter weren’t in any fit state to be doing magic, and I don’t think Sirius has ever done a cleaning spell in his life, so I said I’d do the cleanup.”

“Here, let me help,” Lily said, feeling around for her wand. 

“No, no, Evans, don’t worry about it, it’s fine. Just go to bed.”

“Are you sure?” Lily asked, trying to mask a yawn. “I feel bad leaving you here to do it all yourself.” She tried to stand up and swayed slightly.

“Honestly.” James promised. “And it doesn’t really look like you’re in a fit state for any kind of spellwork anyways.”

Lily shot him a dirty look. “Shut it. I bet I could do any cleaning spell way better than you.”

James gave her a dubious look. “Oh, really?” 

“Yeah,” Lily said petulantly. “They’re charms aren’t they? And I’m way better than you at Charms. I got an O at OWL and I know you only got an E.”

“True.” James admitted after a pause. “But I’m not sure you could even hold a wand straight right now.”

Lily found her wand in a crack in the sofa and grasped it. “Not true.”

“Prove it.” James said quietly.

Lily cautiously held her wand in front of her and with a sweeping motion moved most of the common room furniture back to its original positions. She stuck her wand in her pocket, feeling very smug, albeit slightly dizzy from the exertion.

“See?” She said proudly. 

James looked at her critically. “You also look like you’re going to pass out.”

“Nope,” Lily shook her head. “But,” she put her palm to her forehead, “I do think I’m going to go to bed.” 

She stumbled her way across the room to the staircase for the girls’ dormitories. She looked back to see James staring at her.

“What?”

He started. “Oh, nothing. Night, Evans.”

“Night, Potter,” Lily said with her foot on the bottom stair. “Oh, and Potter?”

“Yes?” James said. Lily’s drink-addled brain felt a surge of deja vu.

“It was a good idea, to have the party tonight. People really needed it.”

“Thanks, but,” James smiled. “How did you know it was my idea?”

Lily shrugged her shoulders. “Black said in Charms that the reason we were having the party was to cheer people up. If it had been his idea he would have said we were having it to get drunk and have a good time.”

James laughed. “Isn’t that pretty much the same thing?”

“No. Not really.” Lily said simply, and she headed up the stairs.


	13. Reading on the Full Moon

A cool silver light bathed the girl who was sitting in the window alcove. Her knees were tucked into her chest in protection from the heat-sapping grey stone that made up her surroundings and her pale hands gripped her paperback book firmly, seeking warmth in the rough cream pages. The second floor was quiet. The corridor that ran along to the staircase that would take you to the door that opened out to face the Whomping Willow and the Forbidden Forest was quiet.

The book was an old favourite of hers; a comfortable one that her mind could wear like a second skin, knowing innately the twists of the characters and turns of the plot. There was a certain deliciousness in knowing the end of a story; catching the hints and signs and clues that point the way to a love that grows and flourishes. A smile across a room, a touch of a hand, a letter sent from afar. An involuntary smile spread across Lily’s face as plans for a trip up north spread across the pages, which would lead to a visit to a country house, to a meeting with a housekeeper, to a view of a portrait, to a chance encounter, to a… well, Lily knew what it would lead to. Sublime happiness of the type she felt she could only dream of. 

“Alright, Evans?”

A voice intruded her solitude. Standing before her were James, Sirius and Peter. Sirius and Peter looked fairly disgruntled and James was stuffing something into the pocket of his robes.

Lily looked at the three of them in confusion. “Where’s Remus?” She blurted, feeling slightly disconcerted that the three boys were there at all and that the fourth member of their gang wasn’t present. “What are you doing?”

“He’s sick,” James said. “What are you doing sitting here?” He countered, leaning against the stone wall that Lily’s window was tucked into.

“I’m, uh, reading,” Lily said, sliding her bookmark in between the pages. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“We’re just going for a moonlit walk, Evans,” Sirius said smoothly. “Is that not allowed anymore? It’s before curfew, after all.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed. “No, of course, it’s allowed, I just struggle to believe that the three of you are doing something without Remus that doesn’t involve getting up to no good.”

Inexplicably, they all laughed.

“We solemnly swear we’re up to nothing  _ but _ good, Evans,” James said, his face dancing with some delighted mischief.

“Oh, yes,” chortled Peter. “Nothing bad. Just an amble in the moonlight.”

Lily caught Sirius shooting him a glare, under which Peter quailed.

She rolled her eyes. “At least try and make your excuses convincing.”

“What’s wrong, Evans?” Sirius inquired, turning his attention back to her. “You seem irritated.” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lily sighed. “It’s just if you’re going to go and do something stupid can you just get on with it? You’re distracting my reading.”

“Ah,” said James, looking to his friends as if he had discovered something quite complex, “so that’s why you were reading on this corridor.”

Lily stared at him. “Yes, for the peace and quiet that it previously had.” She found it almost impossible to sit and read for pleasure in Gryffindor Tower or the library. She would be constantly interrupted if people saw that she wasn’t actually studying in the former (although people were usually happy to intrude even if she did have a textbook in hand) and the librarian hated seeing the state of Lily’s own books and would usually chase her out, assuming that she had defaced one of Hogwarts’ own. 

“Previously had?” Sirius said. He placed his hand on his heart, “you mean to tell me that you don’t appreciate our company on this fine night?”

“No.” Lily said firmly. “Now piss off. I’ve only got twenty minutes before I have to go to my bloody Arithmancy study group anyway.” It was their twelfth meeting of the term and she wasn’t convinced that any of the fifth years had improved at all. A low point had been the meeting the previous week when half of them were hungover from the Gryffindor party the night before.

“Arithmancy study group?” Peter asked incredulously. “That sounds like the most boring thing since-”

James sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, Padfoot, you and Peter better piss off. Evans has important things to do.”

Peter scrunched up his face in confusion. “Why aren’t you coming, Prongs?”

“I’ve got something important to ask Evans.”

“You do?” Lily asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, Head stuff,” James said, placing his hands behind his back in what Lily presumed was his impersonation of someone who took things seriously.

Sirius snorted. “You do realise you won’t be able to get in without Wormtail?” 

“Ah, I’ll figure something out,” James said easily, but fixing his gaze on Sirius, who looked skeptical.

“Get in where?” Lily said, trying to follow the conversation. 

“And how are we meant to get across the lawns if you have the-” Peter piped up.

James smirked. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” 

“Where are you going?” Lily asked again.

Sirius gave her a scornful look. “None of your business, Evans. C’mon Pete.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to reluctantly turn away from the window, giving James an irritated glance. The two boys, one elegant and slender with a sleek head of black hair, the other short and podgy with a dirty splay of dishwater blond ambled down the corridor.

“Don’t be late, Prongs!” Sirius shouted warningly over his shoulder.

James smirked, his eyes following their path. “I won’t!”

“Late for what?” Lily demanded, still sitting curled up on the window ledge.

“Marauders business,” James said simply. 

“That’s not a proper answer. That could mean anything.” Lily said, irritated.

James smiled cheekily. “I know. Anyway, what are you reading?”

Lily tutted. “You can’t try and change the subject as easily as that. I know full well you don’t care what I’m reading about.”

“What?” James looked astonished. “Evans, how could you say such a thing. One of the requirements of being friendly acquaintances is that you ask what your friendly acquaintance is reading.”

“You’re ridiculous. And I will find out where you and Black and Pettigrew are going.”

“Oh,” James smiled innocently, “I’m sure you will one day… but not tonight. So, what are you reading?”

“That’s  _ my _ business,” Lily said snidely. “I’ll maybe tell you if you tell me where you’re going.”

“Not happening.”

“Ugh!” Lily flung her book down on the ledge in irritation. “Why won’t you tell me where you’re going? It can’t be that top secret, I’m not asking you what you’re actually doing, although I’m sure it’s something you shouldn’t be.”

“Because,” James spoke like he was speaking to a small child, “it is  _ Marauders _ business. It’s nothing personal.”

Lily folded her arms and rolled her eyes, muttering about the stupidity of having a named friend group when you were seventeen years old.

James tilted his head. “That’s not very nice, Evans. But I’ll choose to ignore it as I can now see what book you’re reading.” He wriggled his way into the remaining space in the alcove, picking up the book that Lily had carelessly put there. “Hm,  _ Pride and Prejudice.  _ Never heard of this before. Muggle book?”

Lily looked at him over her folded up legs and nodded, a frown creasing her forehead. 

James flicked to the first page and cleared his throat. “‘It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.’” He raised his eyebrows and grinned cheekily. He opened his mouth to read on.

“No, Potter, stop,” Lily said, reaching for her book which he then moved to hold tantalisingly out of reach. “I’m not sitting here listening to you read the entirety of  _ Pride and Prejudice _ !”

“Well, why not?” James said, looking down at her nonplussed.

‘Well, because,” Lily searched around for an excuse. “Because I don’t think you’d like it.”

“Really?” James said, looking at the front cover of two women in period dress sitting together slightly more critically, “What’s it about?”

“It’s a love story.”

“A love story?” James looked even more intrigued.

“Yes, a love story set in the 1800s. I really don’t think it’s your kind of thing.”

“Well, I’ve never read one, how would I know?” He asked. “‘However little known the-’”

Lily put her head in her hands. “Please, Potter, stop. It’s one of my favourite enemies to lovers stories ever and you’re going to ruin it for me.”

“Enemies to lovers?” James asked, confused. “What in Godric’s name are you talking about?”

Lily could feel a faint blush spreading across her cheeks. She hadn’t meant to say that.

“Evans, come on.”

“It’s nothing, it’s just a trope that’s found in some books. I’m sure wizarding stories have them as well. Weren’t you going to ask me about some Head Boy thing?”

“No, don’t think so. What’s a trope?”

“They’re just common plot points or themes in lots of different stories. Like, oh, I don’t know, someone who everyone thinks is really ugly actually ends up being beautiful, or there's a 'chosen one' who has special powers and is the only person that can save the world. Stuff like that.”

“So, cliched stuff?” James asked with a frown. “Why do you like that? It’s not very creative, surely - didn’t you say that was the point of muggle stories? Imagined worlds and all that.”

“Well, they’re not all total cliches. Like if it’s a story about a relationship, it’s going to have to fall into a certain trope, be a certain type of relationship.”

“Okay… so enemies to lovers is a type of relationship?”

“Yeah,” Lily said. She gave him a funny look. “You actually got that really quickly, it took me ages to explain it to Marlene.”   


James shrugged. “I’ve been quite into my muggle literature recently.”

“Well, anyway,” Lily said, uncertain if he was joking, “enemies to lovers is just one type of relationship trope. Friends to lovers is another one - that’s probably like Marlene and Campbell because they were friends for so long and everyone knew they liked each other but didn’t do anything about it for ages.”

James laughed. “Yeah, that was so annoying.”

“I know,” Lily said, shaking her head. “All Marlene would talk about for months was him; it would drive us all crazy. Suniska was on the point of putting a taboo on his name.”

“Really!” James sounded impressed. “We should’ve thought of doing the opposite for Campbell.”

Lily smiled and said, “Maybe, but anyway, an enemies to lovers relationship is when they start out as enemies, obviously, or really not liking each other, and they keep on saying they don’t like each other until it’s this big realisation at the end when they get together.”

“Huh,” James said. “So, in this book,” he tapped the cover, “neither of them like each other at all until the very end?”

“Actually, in that one Darcy, the guy, likes Elizabeth, the girl, for ages but he does a really bad job of telling her about it so she hates him. And then months and months pass and they’re brought together again by chance and she realises she likes him and then they get married!” Lily said, before covering her mouth, her eyes widening in horror. “Shit, sorry, I’ve just completely spoiled the whole thing for you.”

“It’s alright,” James chuckled. “As soon as you said it was enemies to  _ lovers _ I probably should have been able to figure out the end.” 

“Still, I’m sorry.” Lily said apologetically. “But yeah, I really like it. I’ve always liked the big love confession at the end, it’s so dramatic.”

“Oh yeah? What happens?”

Lily unconsciously leant forward, resting her arms on the tops of her knees. “So, basically, after they’re brought back together, Darcy thinks that he’s got to have one last chance at telling Elizabeth how he feels. But he’s learnt from his mistakes because this time when he tells her, he says that whereas before he went to her assuming she’d say yes, and assuming that she had to like him back, this time he was saying it just to make sure she knew, and any subsequent decision about the matter was completely up to her. And obviously it works, and they get engaged and blah blah blah, but that’s the bit I really like. Showing him learning that respect for her.”

“And you like that? Him telling her again?”

“Well, yeah, because it shows that he’s really thought about her and what she would like. And It’s just incredible because, you know, this was written more than a hundred years ago! Even though I know it’s a bit ridiculous to say this about a book that’s just about a girl getting married, it feels really forward thinking.”

James appeared to be lost deep in thought, turning the book over and over in his hands. “Hey, Evans,” he said, looking up to meet her green eyes. “Would you mind if I borrowed this? I can wait until you’re finished with it.”

“Oh, uh, sure.” Lily was a bit surprised. “What do you need it for?”

“Oh, nothing,” James rubbed the back of his neck. “Just a Muggle Studies assignment.” 

“Okay.” Lily suddenly felt a little awkward and she wasn’t sure why. “I’ll let you know when I’ve finished it.”

“Great, thank you.” James nodded.

Lily’s eyes flickered down to her watch, just for something to do. 8 o’clock. Arithmancy.

She swore. “Sorry, Potter, I’ve got to go to that study group.”

He leapt up. “Oh, of course! Sorry I should have remembered.”

“Don’t be stupid, why would you have to remember,” Lily said bemused, dusting herself off as she got up. “Can I have the book back?”

He passed it back to her and stood with his hands in his pockets.

“Well, bye then,” Lily said, stowing the novel in her satchel. “Don’t have too much fun doing whatever illegal thing you’ve got planned.”

James’ eyes widened. “Ah, I completely forgot about that. You’ve got good timing, Evans.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Good thing I remembered, I suppose.” James was patting down his pockets, looking for something. “See you, Potter. Tell Remus to get well soon from me.”

“What?” James seemed momentarily confused. “Oh, right, of course.” The customary twinkle reappeared in his eye and he smirked. “I’ll tell him that ASAP, Evans. Bye.” With that he span around and jogged down the corridor in the direction Sirius and Peter had gone in.

Lily shook her head. She was going to be late for her study group.


	14. The Girls' Dormitory

Lily returned from her study group with an ache in her shoulder and a frown on her face. There was something about the angle she leant over the library tables when trying to decipher poorly worked out Arithmancy calculations that sent a stabbing pain through her left scapula. She dumped her satchel (carried on her right shoulder to ensure that any discomfort was fairly distributed across her body) at the foot of her bed and promptly collapsed onto it. 

There was no denying it. The fifth years, even after two months of her best efforts, were not getting any better. She presumed that it wasn’t a case of their whole year group being hopeless; rather that Professor Adalov had placed only the least able in her tutorship. She had already gone to her teacher once before to raise the futility of the exercise but she had been waved away. Proficiency in Arithmancy can take time for some, she was told.

She closed her weary eyes and tried to shut out the loud hum of chatter that was working its way up from the common room. She lay spread eagled across her duvet, the heavy weight of a headache settling across her brows. She could feel the edge of her ribs pressing against her shirt as she inhaled, her red and gold tie lifted towards the ceiling. Her feet dangled off the edge, trapped in her black lace-up shoes, her toes clammy and cold. The faint rustle of a page being turned in a textbook drifted over her.

“Is someone there?” She asked the air above her.

“Just me,” Esther’s calm voice replied. “You looked like you didn’t really want company.”

Lily’s mouth twitched. “Thanks.”

Silence. Another page turned. A pulse of blood through her head. 

“I think I’ll have a shower.”

Lily sat up and swung her legs out of bed. Her head swam and her vision went a little fuzzy. She shut her eyes and gave her head a little shake.

“Are you okay?” Esther, cosily positioned in her own bed, looked over with concern. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Lily waved her away. “Just had a long day.”

Esther waited expectantly.

Lily smiled. Esther had a way of finding things out without even asking. She and Mary were quite a team in that respect. “My Arithmancy study group… is a disaster,” she said. “They’re so bad. And Potter was pestering me about something after dinner.”

“We were wondering where you’d got to. We assumed you had gone to the library.”

“No… I just wanted to read in peace for a bit. But I was barely there before Tweedledee and Tweedledum and Tweedledumber showed up.” Lily rolled her eyes.

“Oh, I wonder where Remus was.”

“Do I want to know how you were able to tell that Remus was the one who wasn’t there?” Lily chuckled. “Apparently he’s ill.”

“Again! Poor boy. It feels like he’s always ill.”

“I know,” Lily frowned slightly, wincing when it brought a fresh wave of pain across her forehead. “Must have a bad immune system or something.”

“Immune system?”

“Muggle thing.” Lily grabbed her towel and walked over to the bathroom. 

“It feels like a return to fifth year.”

Lily stopped. “What?”

Esther peered up at her over her textbook innocently. “Just hearing about people being bad at OWL Arithmancy. Hearing about James Potter annoying you again. Exactly the same as fifth year.”

Lily wavered. “Well…” She swallowed uncomfortably under Esther’s penetrating gaze. “Yes, I suppose so, exactly the same. Him ignoring me in sixth year was just a lucky blip, it seems.”

“So it seems,” Esther smiled. “Well, enjoy your shower.”

“Thanks, Esther.”

She locked the bathroom door behind her, hanging her towel on the back of it. As she slipped out of her clothes, she turned on the shower, the water hissing out. Condensation began to collect on the mirror and she could see her face hazily through it. She stuck her tongue out at the purple shadows under her eyes. Stepping into the shower she let the hot water wash over her, soaking her hair and running down her back. It flowed over her face, collecting the dirt and grime of the day and slipping it away. It drummed against the top of her head, it hit against her toes. The steam floated up from the tiles on the floor to her nose, clearing her head.

Through the door she could hear voices. Someone had returned. There was a bang against the door. Someone who wanted in the bathroom.

“Lily!” It was Suniska who wanted in. “Hurry up!”

“I just got in!” She called back. 

“So, hurry up!”

Lily sighed and rinsed the remaining conditioner out of her hair. She flicked the shower off, picking up her clothes and wrapping her towel around her. She opened the door. 

“Thank you!” Suniska trilled, pushing past Lily in her eagerness to get to the shower. 

Lily stood in the dorm, dripping water, her hair plastered to her face. Marlene had also returned and was crouched in front of a chest of drawers, digging around for her pyjamas. 

“Oh, hey,” she said, glancing up. “How was the study group?”

“Ugh, fine.” Marlene raised her eyebrows. “Okay, it was awful,” Lily admitted trudging over to her bed, the one farthest from the bathroom and nearest to the door.

“Still?” Marlene said. “Honestly, Lily, they must be total crap at Arithmancy if they haven’t managed to improve at all,” she laughed.

“Or I’m total crap at being a tutor,” Lily said dryly. “But, yeah, I think they’re just crap - even you weren’t this hard to tutor.”

Marlene gave her the bird over her shoulder. Lily laughed. She managed to locate where she had put her pyjamas the night before and began to tug them on. 

“Where’s Mary?” Marlene asked, voice slightly muffled by the jumper she was pulling over her head.

“Oh, dunno. I thought you would know, I’ve not seen her since dinner.” Lily said. 

Marlene shrugged, head now free of her jumper. “I didn’t see her in the common room.”

“Hey, Esther,” she said to the petite girl who was still flicking through her History of Magic textbook, “do you know where Mary is?”

Esther looked up with a small smile on her face. “I think she’s with that sixth year boy, Ludo, she got with at the party last week. That’s where she said she was going, anyway.”

“Ooh la la!” Marlene said. “Didn’t realise it was getting that serious.”

“You’ll be able to go on little quidditch dates with her, Marlene,” Lily said cheekily. “Unless you’re worried that he would outfly you.”

Marlene huffed. “Like Ludo Bagman would outfly me.”

“I thought he wanted to go pro after school - surely he must be half decent if he wants to do that?” Lily asked with a smirk.

“Well, half decent, maybe,” Marlene said reluctantly, “but I could go pro if I wanted to. Really!” She added in response to Lily’s mocking look. 

Lily sniggered. They both knew that Ludo Bagman, for all his talk and general idiocy, was ten times the flyer of any of the other chasers at the school, and that if all things were fair when he graduated, would definitely end up being a professional quidditch player. But there was a difference between knowing those things and actually acknowledging them. 

“Well, I hope she’s having fun.” Was all Lily ended up saying as she combed through her hair. 

The general machinations of their bedtime routines began to form themselves - after more than six years of living in a dorm together, they had settled into regular patterns. Lily and Suniska were nighttime showerers and would merrily bicker over who could go first in the yawning stretch of an entire evening. They left the cutthroat world of morning showerers, where minutes could have a cataclysmic effect on punctuality for the rest of the day, to Marlene, Esther and Mary. Unsurprisingly, it was often Mary who caused the delay, spending  _ tens  _ of minutes cheerfully singing ballads under the warm water. 

Lily and Esther were what Marlene would charitably describe as ‘early to bed, early to rise’ and what Sunsika and Mary would describe as ‘evil demons who wake me up at unreasonable hours of the morning’. Suniska and Mary were the opposite; it had been a blessed day when Lily had learnt how to use a silencing charm so her sleep wasn’t interrupted at two in the morning by them moving around and brushing their teeth and finally going to bed. Marlene, as might be expected, went to bed at an average time and woke up at one too. The end result was that the poor dorm, and the poor house elves, only had a window of a few hours where all its occupants were asleep. 

As Lily leaned out of bed to look for her book, in order to have a quick read before she went to sleep, the door creaked open. It was Mary, the prodigal daughter returned. 

“Oh, Lily!” Mary said with some relief when she spotted Lily with her eyes open. “You’re still awake! I was worried I’d have to creep in.”

Lily lay back down, book clutched in her hand, fluffing her hair out from behind her. “No, we’re all up,” she said, masking a yawn. “Even me and Esther.”

Mary stood at the entrance to the dorm, teetering back and forth on her toes. Her dark eyes looked eagerly round at them all.

Lily glanced across to Suniska who was sitting in her towel trying to hide a smirk. Esther was still in bed, studiously reading her textbook. Marlene sat up from where she was lying, reading a quidditch magazine, but unable to take the contrived disinterest in whatever Mary wanted to tell them. 

“All right then, MacDonald,” she said reluctantly. “Let’s hear it.”

Mary squealed and clasped her hands together. “You guys are going to  _ love  _ this - Esty!” she said urgently to the girl sitting placidly in her pyjamas, “come on, put your book down!”

Esther looked up, a smile just pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Really, Mary? I promised Leila that I’d finish up on this chapter by tomorrow.”

“Yes, yes, really!” Mary said excitedly, now yanking her shoes off and chucking them under her bed. “Since when is Leila Shafiq more important than me!”

“Wait,” Marlene said. “Leila Shafiq, Esther? What are you doing with her?”

“Oh,” Esther shrugged her shoulders. “We’re just doing this History of Magic project together. I, uh, I mean, we were put together for it.” 

“That’s funny that you’ve ended up with her again after Slughorn put you two together in Potions!” Suniska said. “Unlucky!” Esther mumbled her agreement.

“Yeah, poor Esther, blah blah, we’ll come back to that! I have every faith that she can cope with a Slytherin or two,” Mary said, her hands now moving in her hair to put it into twists. “But, who wants to hear about my evening with Ludo Bagman?”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Oh, we do, Mary,” knowing that nothing would stop the incorrigible girl from spilling all. 

“So, we’d agreed to meet in one of the empty Transfiguration classrooms on the third floor,” Mary smirked. “He needed help with one of his essays.”

“Oh, does he have an erotic teacher fantasy?” Suniksa asked with wide, mocking eyes. “McGonagall better watch out.”

“Shut up, Kumar,” Mary said merrily, “The only teacher he fantasises about is Madam Hooch, and who can blame him, honestly. Anyway, we’re sitting in the classroom and the poor boy’s actually  _ brought  _ his essay, can you believe, like I’d be any help with that, and I just, like, push him down into his chair and say-”

Lily wondered. Over their first year, the five girls had come to a natural split. Mary and Esther; Lily, Marlene and Suniska. Mary had been overwhelming; so cheerful and chatty, so willing to open her heart and soul to everyone. Esther had been overwhelming too, in a different way - quiet, introspective, intense. Lily had been - was - happy that they had found such soulmates in each other, that old adage of ‘opposites attract’ clearly being true, but it had never been a relationship that she fully understood. In some ways, she felt as though she had never fully understood female friendships before coming to Hogwarts. Her best friend, a label she had determinedly stuck to until at least fifth year, had been Severus Snape. He had been her introduction to all of the magical world’s beautiful complexities, making the attraction of hopscotch and the skipping rope with the other girls at primary school pale in comparison. He had also been the cause of her broken relationship with Petunia; a rift that had initially made her feel like she would never have the group of girlfriends that Petunia surrounded herself with so easily.

Marlene and Suniska, however, she had clicked with. Bright, efficient Marlene, sparkling, witty Suniska; she had found two girls that made her feel at home. Two girls that would laugh with her. Two girls that shared her values and ideals. Two girls that stuck by Lily when she struggled to negotiate the way she felt about Snape and his repulsive views on blood purity, which were at odds with anything she had previously known about him. They made Lily feel like she belonged. 

Lily wondered what it would have been like without them. If her only friend in first year had been Severus Snape, who had treated her burgeoning relationships with jealousy. If she had gone to bed each night without the comforting buzz of friendly conversation and gossip spilling over her head. If she didn’t have a net of hands holding hands, of smiles given, of embraces, snugly in place beneath her. Lily wondered. She wondered when she had realised how lucky she was. 

Mary’s raunchy story about Ludo Bagman continued, but Lily could feel her eyes drooping. She felt, rather than saw, someone tucking her duvet more tightly around her, taking her book out of her hand and placing it on the nightstand, drawing the curtains around her bed. Esther said that she’d had a long day. 

“Night, Lils,” she heard Marlene whisper. “Sleep tight.”


	15. The Patronus Charm

The next morning, after the usual rigamarole of getting everyone up and then dragging them down to the breakfast table, they had Defense Against the Dark Arts. It was one of the few subjects that all the Gryffindor girls took together, and in fact the only one that every seventh year member of their house attended. It was also a class that was jointly taken with the Slytherins, due to whoever made the timetable’s whimsical sense of humour. 

Professor Stoker was that year’s teacher, a tall imposing woman who had previously worked as an Auror. It was thought that she had returned to Hogwarts to teach partly as a personal favour to Dumbledore, and partly because she thought she would be able to defeat the rumoured curse that meant the DADA teacher changed every year. While Lily harboured some doubts over her ability to do this, she hoped she would. Professor Stoker was very impressive.

She stood at the front of the class in burgundy robes, her black hair cascading in curls down her back. As always, her hands were clasped in front of her as she watched the seventh years file into her room. Lily and Suniska sat down at their usual desk, Marlene sitting with Campbell in the other set of two in the row on the Gryffindor side of the central aisle. Mary and Esther sat in front of them, and the Marauders sat behind them. The Slytherins formed a green morass on the other side. 

The walls were covered with stylised depictions of various curses and creatures, as well as the defenses against them, and there was a large space between the door and the desks that was used for practical portions of the lessons. Stoker didn’t actually have a desk in the classroom - she preferred to wander amongst them, inspecting what they were doing. She did all of her marking in her office, a luxuriously decorated room located at the top of a small spiral staircase at the front of the room. 

Weak morning sunlight valiantly struggled into the classroom, coming to rest in the second rows’ eyes. With a snap, Stoker shut the curtains. They were plunged into a curious half light, where a little glow still managed to whisper through the red fabric covering the windows. Twisted black candelabras shone at each desk.

Once the entirety of the class had entered and taken their seats, Stoker walked down the right side of the classroom, her black heeled boots clicking on the stone floor. She came to a pause at a poster of a menacing black robed figure that floated menacingly above the ground. Its face was covered by its black hood, and its clawed hand reached forwards. 

“Who can tell me what this is?” She asked. There was always silence at the start of Stoker’s classes. No one knew what she would open with, and it paid to be paying attention. In the second week of term, James and Sirius had been engaged in an arm wrestle while they waited for the teaching to start. She had promptly blasted them apart and had said that to properly tackle the Dark Arts, one must be aware at all times. One of her colleagues in the Auror’s Office had the catchphrase ‘constant vigilance’, she said, and it was one they would do well to stick by. James and Sirius, bruised and battered from their violent hurl to the floor, and, indeed the entirety of the class, had since taken to giving Stoker their full focus.

Remus raised his hand. 

“Yes, Mr Lupin.”

“It’s a dementor,” Remus said. “They’re Dark creatures that feed on human happiness. They’re the guards at Azkaban.”

Stoker nodded. “Good. What defenses can a witch or wizard use against a dementor, Mr Lupin?”

“A Patronus charm?”

Stoker raised an eyebrow. “Very good.” She strode back to the front of the classroom. “Yes, that is what we will be working on in the coming weeks; dementors and the Patronus charm. I must warn you all that the Patronus is a very challenging charm, and you must not feel ashamed or embarrassed if you struggle with it even after a lifetime’s work. Many very competent witches and wizards cannot cast a corporeal Patronus. But,” she clasped her hands together, “I am getting ahead of myself. First of all, I would like you to complete a four foot essay on the history of dementors, the form they take, and the uses that they have been put to in the magic world. Know your enemy. That will be for homework and it is due for next week.”

There was a general rustling of parchment and quills as people grumbled and noted down the task.

“But, in today’s lesson, we will be doing something a little more practical; we will be attempting to cast the Patronus charm. In order to do this, I will need to tell you about dementors, but be warned, I expect to see more than a simple repetition of my words in your essays. A dementor is a soul-sucker; as Mr Lupin aptly said, they feed on human happiness, and if they feed on a person for long enough, or in close enough proximity, they can consume their soul, leaving only an empty shell of a human being. This leaves the victim in what is essentially a vegetative state. It is known as the Dementor’s Kiss and is the harshest punishment that a convicted criminal could receive. It has been many, many years since someone received a Dementor’s Kiss in Great Britain. 

“There is only one defense against a dementor - the Patronus charm. It can be thought of as a physical manifestation of the positive energy innately contained within you, and takes two forms, the corporeal and incorporeal. The more linguistic among you may have guessed that this suggests that the charm can take the form of having a body, the corporeal, or a much more indistinct form in terms of the incorporeal. Both have efficacy, but the incorporeal will only halt dementors, protecting the caster as long as they can maintain it, whereas the corporeal will repel dementors permanently. As might be expected, the corporeal is much more challenging. 

“Now, some of you may have heard vague rumours that only the pure of heart can cast a Patronus charm. Do not worry. You do need to call upon your happiest memories to be able to produce a Patronus, but you do not need to be a ‘good person’ to be able to do so.” Stoker chuckled. “I fear not many witches or wizards would be able to cast one if that were the case.

“The incantation for the charm is simple;  _ expecto patronum.  _ Everyone repeat that with me,  _ expecto patronum, _ ” Stoker chanted.

The class mumbled along.

“You must focus with all of your might on your very happiest memory. Your mind must be consumed with the utmost  _ joie de vivre _ . Then, circling your wand, say the incantation.” Stoker steeled herself and drew her wand. “ _ Expecto patronum _ !” She cried and a glowing silver bat sprouted from the tip of her wand and soared over the class. Lily gasped. She thought it was the most magical thing she had ever seen. 

“Now, everyone,” Stoker called over the awed chatter that had greeted her spellwork, “that is an example of a corporeal Patronus - it has a clearly visible form. Every witch or wizard’s Patronus is different and represents something about the soul of the person. I will leave you to speculate what the meaning of mine is,” she added with a wry smile. “But, to reiterate: I am not expecting anyone in this class to be able to cast a corporeal Patronus. I will be very pleased if anyone manages an incorporeal by the end of our work on this topic. Remember, focus on your very happiest memory and clear your mind of anything else. I will go around offering advice. Now, begin!”

“I think that was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen,” Suniska said to Lily.

“Yeah,” Lily agreed, watching as with a flick of her wand Stoker vanished the bat from existence. 

“What do you think your Patronus would be?”

Lily bit her lip. “I don’t know…” She laughed abruptly, “it kind of sounds like something you’d read in  _ Witch Weekly  _ doesn’t it? The whole animal representing your deepest, darkest feelings type thing.”

“Yeah,” Suniska snickered. “Wonder why  _ Witch Weekly  _ don’t just tell you to cast a Patronus Charm - it sounds a bit more accurate than the ridiculous quizzes they do.”

“Maybe they think it’s too complicated. It’s much less work for them for the questions to be things like ‘what do you like to do on a Friday evening? Plot to take over the world, read a dictionary, get into a fight, or volunteer at a soup kitchen? If you picked A, your animal is a snake, if you picked B, your animal is an eagle-”

“Stop slating  _ Witch Weekly _ .” Suniska said with a grin. “They’re trying their best. But anyway, this seems like a way more straightforward way of finding out your animal than filching one of Mary’s magazines.”

“Do you think?” Lily said. “Stoker spent about half of her speech telling us that she wouldn’t care if we never manage to do it, like  _ ever. _ ”

Suniska stretched. “She’s probably just saying that,” she said breezily. “Come on, do you want to give it a go? It’d be pretty rad if one of us is the first to do it.”

Lily smirked. “Yeah, it would be.” She stood up and held her wand out in front of her. She took a deep breath and thought about getting her OWL results, Christmas mornings, laughing until her stomach hurt with Marlene and Suniska. “ _ Expecto patronum _ !” She cast, moving her wand in a tight circle. Nothing.

Lily looked at her wand feeling slightly disappointed. She frowned. She tried again. Still nothing. “Huh. It is pretty hard. You give it a go.”

Suniska stood up too, and seemed to go through the same mental process that Lily did. But again, nothing was produced from the tip of her wand. Lily began to flick through her textbook, looking for the page on the Patronus Charm. Surely it was something simple that they were missing...

“Having a bit of difficulty there, ladies?” Lily and Suniska whipped around. Sirius was leaning back on his chair, twirling his wand around his fingers. While Remus looked like he was practicing the wand movement and incantation, the rest of the Marauders were still in the relaxed positions they had probably assumed at the start of the practicing period. 

Lily scowled. “No more than you seem to be having, Black.” 

Suniska snorted.

“Ah, haven’t tried it yet,” he replied smoothly. “It looks pretty easy.”

“Sirius,” Remus said in a warning tone.

“Remus,” Sirius said back with a boyish grin, his eyes sparkling. “All I’m saying is that it doesn’t look  _ that _ difficult.”

“Are you kidding me?” Lily said. “Did you hear Stoker? Have you seen the rest of the class? No one’s managed to do it yet.”

A smirk spread over James’ face, matching Sirius’ already present smile. 

“No one? Really?” He said.

Lily folded her arms. “Yes, Potter, no one. Maybe you need to change your prescription or something, but from where I’m standing it’s pretty clear that no one in this class has cast a Patronus.”

“That’s a shame,” James sighed. “Do you want me to give it a go, Evans?” He was leaning forward now, his stupid smirk having given way to a lopsided mischievous smile.

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but Stoker beat her to it. The professor was standing behind the last row of seats, having already inspected all of the Slytherin members of the class.

“Why, yes, Mr Potter, I think we would all love to see you give it a go.”

James jumped. Lily and Suniska laughed. 

“Silence please, Miss Evans and Miss Kumar,” Stoker said firmly. “Mr Potter will need all the attention he can muster.”

Recovered slightly from his shock - “constant vigilance!” as Peter had whispered in his ear with a chuckle - James stood up. He cleared his throat slightly and held arm out straight, his wand turned diagonally towards the ceiling. “ _ Expecto patronum _ !” his voice boomed.

Lily’s jaw dropped. Suniska dropped her wand. The whole class turned in awe. A huge, beautiful,  _ majestic _ stag had grown steadily from James’ wand and was now cantering around the room. It came to a stop in front of Lily and dipped its head. Lily could barely breathe in her disbelief. 

Stoker looked almost as surprised as the rest of them. “I- well I never, in all my years of seeing people practice this spell... “ she said, her eyes wide. “Fifty points to Gryffindor!” She said. She pumped James’ hand vigorously. “Fantastic work, Mr Potter, that was really something unique-”

“Unique, Professor?” Sirius interrupted. He nudged Peter in the ribs. “Want to show them all something, Wormy?”

Peter grinned and nodded. They stood together and cast two more corporeal Patronuses - a dog and a rat. Stoker was shaking her head. “One hundred more points to Gryffindor! This is outstanding work, boys, really I have never been so impressed.”

She continued her fawning over their spellwork, Remus shaking his head at Sirius and Peter eagerly lapping up her praise, and most of the class turned back to their partners to discuss what they had just seen - even the Slytherins were really quite astounded. Peter’s rat was scuttling around the room, but Sirius’ black shaggy dog ambled over to curl up at Remus’ feet. The stag still stood proudly, James next to it with his hands in his pockets, looking very pleased, looking at Lily.

“How?” She cried, recovering her voice, still standing in the same position that she had been when they started their performance. “How did you manage to do that?”

“What do you mean, Evans?” James asked, walking around his desk and leaning on it, so that his long legs brushed Lily’s feet. She moved her feet slightly. 

“That spell,” she said, her neck red with agitation, “is almost beyond NEWT level. It’s… insanely difficult. How were you and Black and  _ Pettigrew  _ able to do it with no practice at all? And, come to think of it, how could you three do it, but Remus couldn’t!”

“Ah, Evans,” he said, tilting his head. “Not very nice of you to talk about Wormy like that. He’s a very able wizard, as he just proved.”

Lily’s flush spread up past her neck to her face. “Clearly,” she said, “there are hidden depths to Peter Pettigrew. ”

James shrugged. “There must be.”

“But that doesn’t answer my question at how you were all able to do it, when none of the rest of us could!”

“I suppose, Evans,” he said after a long pause for thought. “That the best answer I can give you, is that we learnt because of some,” he smirked, “Marauders’ business.”

“This Marauders’ business crap again?” Lily exclaimed. “Don’t tell me that all of this had something to do with what you were up to last night.”

“It was more of a side effect of some other business we were doing.” James said. “But don’t worry, Evans, I’m more than willing to protect you if the dementors ever come calling. Or, even better,” his eyes gleamed, “I don’t mind doing some one on one tutoring, if you’d like.”

Lily spluttered, unable to even form a coherent sentence. Suniska laughed and put her arm around Lily’s shoulder.

“Oh, he’s got you there, Lils,” she giggled.

Lily shrugged the arm off her. “No, he has not ‘got’ me anywhere! Mark my words, Potter,” she said, her finger pointing towards his face. “I  _ will _ master the Patronus charm, without your help, and I will be perfectly able to defend  _ myself _ against dementors, thank you very much.”

“I look forward to seeing it, Evans,” James said with a smile. “Anyway, fan club’s calling.”

“Fan club?” Lily exclaimed, as James strolled back to his seat to hear Stoker eulogise further about how exceptional their work had been. She flung herself in her seat. “I am going to kill him,” she said, not caring if said person happened to hear her. 

Suniska sat down too, and continued to laugh. 

Lily glared at her. “I don’t know what you’re laughing at Suniska, did you hear what he just said to me?”

Suniska nodded through her giggles. “Yes, I did. Oh, Merlin, this has been the best defense class in ages, you should have seen your face when he actually cast a corporeal Patronus, oh my.”

Lily huffed. “This is unbelievable. How does he do it? They mess around all the time, and it just so happens that they can do a Patronus charm?”

Suniska shook her head, smiling. “You’re just annoyed because you can’t cast one-”

“No, I’m not!”

“Eh, yes you are! Neither of us could do it first time, need I remind you.”

Lily glared at her. “No, you did not need to remind me. I can’t believe that they managed to persuade some poor person to spend hours teaching them all how to cast a Patronus - and not even bother to include Remus!”

Suniska shrugged. “Maybe he couldn’t be bothered doing all the practice.”

“Maybe...” Lily said, frowning. She thought that didn’t sound very like Remus.

“Hey, Lily,” Marlene called from her end of the row. “Have you managed to work through your internal crisis about how they were able to do a Patronus charm before you yet?”

Suniska turned around. “I think she’s still processing it,” she laughed.

“Look, Lily,” Campbell started to say placatingly, “if it’s any consolation, they can actually do a lot of really complex spells that you wouldn’t expect, like-”

“Campbell!” Marlene said. “Be quiet! How is that consolation, hearing that there’s actually loads of magic they can do but Lily can’t?”

Lily was muttering to herself. Suniska and Marlene shared a look of mild concern.

“All right,” she said. “All of you shut up. Marlene, you’re coming to the library with me after this.”

Marlene looked nervous. “What about Suniska?” She asked.

“She’s got her Herbology project thing,” Lily said. “But I need to go to the library.”

“Aw, that’s a shame.” Sunsika grinned. “Have fun, Marls.”

Marlene gave Suniska a rude hand gesture.

“What for?” Campbell said, trying to catch up. “Can I come?”

“If you want,” Lily said. “We’re going to research the Patronus charm. Obviously.”

“Oh, right. Obviously.”


	16. The Library

“So, what exactly are we looking for?”

Lily and Marlene were perusing the library aisles, Marlene strolling along somewhat aimlessly, Lily consulting titles against a list she had asked Stoker for at the end of their DADA lesson.

“Anything to do with the casting of the Patronus Charm,” Lily responded. “I need to learn how to do it before Potter actually forces Stoker to let him be my tutor or something.”

Marlene laughed, hurriedly hushing when Madam Pince, the librarian, caught her eye and held a finger up to her lips. “I doubt Stoker’s going to give you a tutor,” she continued in a whisper, “when currently most of the class can’t produce a Patronus.”

Lily shrugged, hobbling in a crouch along the floor so she could see the bottom shelf. “Can’t hurt to be prepared. Anyway, apart from shutting Potter up, which would be ideal given that I have to spend at least two hours a week with him on prefect rounds, being able to cast a corporeal Patronus would also look really good on my Auror application.”

“Oh, so you have decided to apply for Auror training? That’s great, Lily!”

Lily stood up, holding two new books. “Well,” she said, a faint blush tinting her cheeks, “I just figured, it can’t hurt to apply, right? It gives me something to aim for over this year, and besides,” she continued nervously, “there’s no chance of getting in if I don’t apply.” 

“Well, exactly!” Marlene said, enthused. “And Lily, come on, you’ve got an amazing chance of getting in. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

Lily frowned, looking at the books she was carrying. “I’m also a person who can’t do the Patronus charm.”

Marlene sighed. “Is that what this whole thing is about?” she said, following Lily as she walked to one of the empty tables. “You know that Potter, and Black and Pettigrew, didn’t do the Patronus charm for the first time ever today, right?”

Lily placed the books and her satchel down. “No, I know, but still… Potter wants to be an Auror and he already knows how to do one - I’m playing catch up.”

Marlene shook her head and took a seat across from her. “The Patronus isn’t the only thing they look for, Lily. Are they even that useful? The dementors work for the Ministry, same as the Aurors, so you’ll probably never even use one. Much more important to be able to duel, which I know you can do,” she said with a grin. “No one can do a disarming charm like you can.”

Lily laughed. “True. I do like an  _ expelliarmus  _ but... it would just make me feel better to be able to get this one down, you know?”

“No, I know.” Marlene smiled. “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Thanks, Marls,” Lily said gratefully. “And, hey, some of this stuff might be useful for the essay Stoker set about dementors anyway.”

“Ugh,” Marlene wrinkled her nose. “I was forgetting she’d set us that,” she said as she pulled her Care of Magical Creatures notes from her bag. “Fat chance that I even manage to finish this off before lunch, so I think I’ll forget about that one until the weekend.”

“Fair enough,” Lily chuckled. “What’s your Magical Creatures essay on?”

“Oh, it’s quite interesting actually, it’s about the care of Common Welsh Green dragons? Dad said he might take me to see one over Christmas, so I really want to nail it in case we get to go.”

“Oh, cool,” Lily said, nodding her head. She hadn’t even taken Care of Magical Creatures for OWL, but the subject was Marlene’s passion. It was probably the only thing that she ever got truly animated talking about, besides quidditch. Lily knew that Marlene’s dream was to work in a Dragon Sanctuary, and she presumed that was where she would be able to see a Common Welsh Green with her dad. 

“Yeah, but there’s a ton of research to do - Kettleburn wants us to create a care plan for an expectant mother, and they’re the most tricky to deal with.”

“Oh,” Lily said, eyes wide. “Can’t imagine how scary dealing with a pregnant dragon must be.”

“Yeah,” Marlene chuckled. “And it’s even worse than you’re imagining, because they don’t get pregnant like mammals, they hatch eggs, so they get really protective over them. That’s why they’re so difficult to deal with.”

“Oh, right.” Lily felt a little embarrassed. Was that the sort of thing you should just know? That dragons had eggs and didn’t get pregnant? “Well, good luck anyway. Hopefully you don’t bump into any preg- I mean nesting mothers when you visit.”

“Hopefully,” Marlene mused, already running her finger down a page of her textbook. Lily could see a lurid depiction of a dragon curled around six gleaming eggs. She presumed it was a nesting mother. 

Turning her attention to her own work, Lily examined the stack of books she had assembled in front of her. She decided to tackle the biggest of the bunch, a black hardback with a faded cover, embossed in silver, first. She flicked through the pages to the index, hunting for the relevant section.  _ PATRONUS Charm, Casting.  _ Perfect.

The chapter on the Patronus Charm opened with a very similar rundown to the one Stoker had given them earlier that morning. The difference in protection between a corporeal and non-corporeal, the difficulty in casting either, and, finally, the actual mechanism for creating one. The book gave a lot more credence to the importance of using happy memories. The way Stoker had described it had made Lily think it was just any old positive memory, but the book was quite clear that it had to be a standout. It had to be a moment that represented everything that you thought was good in the world, a moment that you could live in forever. It described this mental process as essential to the production of a Patronus - more important than the pronunciation of the incantation, or the wand movement. Clearly, whatever Lily had been thinking of hadn’t quite cut it. 

So, what had she been thinking of before… and why hadn’t it been good enough. She had thought of getting her OWL results, Christmas mornings, and laughing with Marlene and Suniska. They all seemed really quite happy, to Lily at least. 

She skimmed a few more pages, looking for more information on the selection of memories. The rest of the book was frustratingly vague, preferring to focus on moving line drawings of various different Patronuses and what they represented. Lily scribbled down a note to check that later - although she wasn’t sure how much she wanted an insight into the innermost personalities of James, Sirius and Peter - and moved her attention to one of the other books. The one she picked was slim and red, and was called  _ Demetrius Dagworth’s Practical Guide to Defensive Magic: The Patronus Charm.  _ Maybe this was more what she was looking for; a book about the practice of the charm, rather than the theory. 

Her hunch was vindicated when she came across a ten page section all about how to pick a memory. It was arranged simply, in clear steps. Lily wasn’t sure who Demetrius Dagworth was, but the other authors of NEWT level books could really learn a thing or two from his clear use of font size and paragraph spacing. Apparently, you needed something that wasn’t a standalone enjoyable memory, but an individual moment that represented a greater happiness or joy. 

So, just generally laughing with Marlene and Suniska was out, because even though it represented a general feeling of happiness, it wasn’t a specific memory. There were numerous things that they had laughed at over the years, and not all of them, Lily guiltily admitted to herself, were things that represented any sort of higher jubilation. Yes, she may have thought she was going to wake up with a six pack the day after she had heard about Mary arranging a  tête-à-tête with a Ravenclaw boy in the year above them only for him to throw up all over her new shoes when he met her in the Astronomy Tower, but that didn’t really have the sort of ‘force for good’ happiness pizzazz that the book was aiming for. 

Then, Christmas mornings. Well, Lily didn’t need to be a genius to figure out why that hadn’t worked. Though she loved Christmas and being able to see her mum and dad, it always came with the added benefit of having to spend time with Petunia. On reflection, Lily wasn’t sure why she had thought the memory of two weeks spent oscillating between trying to decide what stories from Hogwarts were safe enough to tell her mum and dad and trying to ignore Petunia’s constant sniping would have been conducive to casting magic. She usually tried to completely rid herself of any thoughts of Petunia during term time to avoid hearing her pervasive little voice in her head, telling her that she was a  _ freak _ , that her friends were  _ freaks,  _ that they were all little freaks at this little freak school. The pleasure that Lily got from Christmas dinner and Quality Street chocolates was not enough to outweigh that. That feeling that her sister, her  _ twin _ sister, would always see her as an alien, an outsider, someone not to be trusted. 

Which left Lily’s third pick; the day she got her OWL results. At first, it seemed to tick all of Dagworth’s boxes. It was an individual moment of delight, but it also represented years of hard work. Lily could still remember the way her heart had been thumping, her hands clammy and breath short, that August morning as she waited for the owl. The day she had received her Head Girl letter was hardly comparable. And then the joyous release of anxiety when the post not only arrived, putting her out of her misery, but contained the best news she could have hoped for. But here a note at the bottom of Step Seven caught her attention; memories that were happy because they involved an element of triumphing over others were not appropriate. The vindictive element of pleasure because you have done better than someone else implies that they must have done badly. The Patronus, as a representative of pure positive energy, generally does not respond to this.

Had she only been happy about her OWL results because she knew they would be among the best in the year? It had been made especially sweet by knowing that she had done just as well as any purebloods in her classes, who, wittingly or unwittingly, had been lording their ingrained magical knowledge over the rest of them for years. It seemed a little harsh to say that that made the whole memory irreparably negative for the purposes of casting the charm. After all, it wasn’t that the purebloods in the year had done badly; James and Sirius, if she remembered correctly, had both received excellent results. It was that Lily had grades that were just as good. Grades that couldn’t be argued with, that couldn’t have the unseen asterix of  _ for a Mudblood  _ tagged on to the end of them. She had worked and she had excelled because of her own hard graft, overcoming the obstacles in her way. 

Maybe, she mused, that was what the guide meant by memories of vindictive triumph not being happy enough. In order to have that sort of pleasure from achieving something, you had to have had a negative force acting upon you, something that then made your victory such a ‘well screw you!’ celebration. The memory of her OWL results did serve as some small reminder of her constant feeling of treading water in the magical world, even if that day was one when her head was held high above the waves. 

The guide also recommended childhood memories, such as a summer’s day spent playing, suggesting wider feelings of happiness and freedom, with few responsibilities. But all of the memories Lily could dredge up seemed to involve Snape, which immediately put a damper on opening and closing a flower, or soaring off a swing, or pretending to duel with sticks in the forest. 

Lily absent-mindedly sucked her quill, her eyes resting on Marlene, who was intently writing her essay. She needed to find a memory that was a clear moment, but also represented a greater joy, but also didn’t rest on any kind of competition or reminder that she was a muggleborn. She bit the end of her quill, wishing that she had remembered to pack her pens, as, when you thought about it, having a feather in your mouth was a little bit disgusting. 

“Are you alright, Lily?”

Lily jumped, startled. She looked up to see Remus standing over her, an expression of concern on his face. He had his book bag on his shoulder. 

“Remus! Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she said, placing her quill down on her piece of parchment.

“It was like you were on another planet,” he chuckled. “I said your name about five times before you heard me. Mind if I sit?” he said, gesturing to the seat beside her.

“Oh, sure, sorry,” Lily said, scooting her chair to the side slightly. “I was just thinking about something, must not have been paying attention,” she laughed a little, trying to cover up how engrossed in her daydream of happy days she’d never had she’d been.

“Yeah, you looked very deep in thought,” Remus agreed, taking his seat. “And Marlene as well.” He shot a smile at the blonde, who waved in response, now hunting through a book that alarmingly seemed to be somewhat sentient. “Are you working on the dementor essay?” He cast his eyes over the assorted Defense books that Lily had scattered around her. 

“Oh, well, sort of,” Lily said awkwardly. “I’m just doing a bit of research on casting the Patronus, because, you know, I couldn’t do it in the lesson today.”

“She’s annoyed Potter could manage it and she couldn’t,” Marlene said from across the table.

“No, I wasn’t!” Lily said, annoyed that Marlene would try to expose her in front of one of James’ friends. “I just think it’ll be useful to learn how to do it.”

Marlene looked up from her book and smirked. “I’m pretty sure your exact words earlier were something about ‘playing catch up’ to Potter.”

“Well, yeah, in a more, ah, general sense, because he’s one of the only people that’s been able to do it. It’s the same as catching up to Black, or Pettigrew.”

Marlene shook her head teasingly, “yeah, sure, Lils-”

Remus cut across her, giving Lily a reassuring smile. “I’m in the same boat as you, Lily. I’m having to play catch up to the three of them on this as well.”

Lily leaned back in her chair and eyed the lanky boy sitting next to her. “I was meaning to ask you about that.”

“Oh?” Remus said, busying himself with procuring a quill, ink and parchment from his bag. 

“Yeah. How come they can all cast a corporeal Patronus but you can’t? Usually you lot do everything together-”

“In really quite an irritating way,” Marlene added.

“Exactly,” Lily nodded. “And not to say they aren’t capable of casting a Patronus, because they have obviously shown they are, but I… struggle to believe they were capable of the focus it must have taken to teach themselves how to cast one.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Remus shrugged. “You know they can be very dedicated to something, or someone, once they set their mind to it.”

Lily refrained from rolling her eyes. She had been the object of James’ ‘dedication’ for five years and it had driven her absolutely mental. “Yes, but why would they have chosen the Patronus Charm to be dedicated to? Is it ‘Marauders’ business’ to fight dementors at the weekend or something?”

Remus laughed. “You sound like Prongs, he’s always going on about ‘Marauders’ business’,” he said. “But, no, of course we aren’t fighting dementors in our free periods, there was just something a few years ago that they really wanted to do and a lot of the process was similar to what it takes to cast a Patronus. So, they all ended up being able to cast one without really meaning to.”

“What was it?”

“You know I can’t tell you that, Lily,” Remus said. “But if it’ll make you happier I can tell you that it was to help someone, not for a prank or anything like that. They were actually,” he took a deep breath, “very brave to do it.”

Lily pursed her lips. There was clearly something at play that she didn’t know about.

“But why didn’t you learn with them?” Marlene asked, who had been listening in to the conversation rather than doing her Care of Magical Creatures essay.

“Because I couldn’t,” Remus said simply.

“You can’t cast a Patronus?” Lily asked, eyes wide. Maybe this was it! Remus was incapable of casting a Patronus - she was sure she had read something in one of the books about how witches and wizards who had experienced a great loss or heartbreak couldn’t cast a Patronus - but Lily couldn’t think what could have happened to him to cause that. Did that make her a terrible friend? That she couldn’t think of what had clearly caused such anguish-

“Oh, no,” he hastily corrected himself. “I hope I will be able to cast a Patronus at some point, I just couldn’t do the other thing they were trying to do. And no, I can’t tell you what that was,” he added when he saw Lily’s face.

“Hmm,” Lily said, propping her chin on her hand, her mind racing at a million miles a minute. She looked at Marlene. “Very curious.” Marlene pulled a face and raised her eyebrows. “So,” Lily turned back around to look at Remus. “You didn’t give them any help at all? To learn how to cast one?”

“No, none at all,” Remus met her gaze boldly, almost daring her to challenge his less than forthcoming responses. 

“Impressive,” Lily muttered, pulling her parchment closer to her to inspect the notes she had written.

“Sorry, what was that, Lily?” Remus said with a grin, ducking his head to try and catch her eye.

“Nothing,” Lily said, resolutely looking at her parchment. 

“I think she said it was impres-”

Lily threw a spare bit of parchment at Marlene. “Be quiet!” She said with a laugh. “I’m trying to focus. I’m going to cast a corporeal Patronus if it kills me.”


End file.
